How to be a Good Friend to a Person who has a Child with Special Needs

I get asked a lot how to be a good friend to a person who has a child with special needs. Here are my 10 suggestions.

10. Let me be. In the beginning, I needed someone to let me be sad. Or worried. Or angry. Whatever emotion I was at the time. Just let me be for a while as I step into our new world. So often people try to rush us through or gloss over our hard times. Just sit with me and don’t try and fix it it. Just be there with me.

9. Never stop inviting me. Even if you know me or my family can’t attend. Maybe you know it would be too loud or too chaotic and I will say no. Invite me please. Give me a chance to decline. Because seeing or hearing that you went without me knowing is heartbreaking.

8. Let me host. Maybe it’s a holiday or girls night. Let me host. My child is so much more comfortable at home and we can be part of the event if you just come here. Now I know that Aunt Jan ALWAYS hosts thanksgiving but if we continue to do it that way…our family won’t be there. And I get that sometimes it has to be that way. Just bend a little. It goes a long way for family’s like mine

7. Text me and call me. Don’t stop. Even if I don’t write or call back right away. So often I am in the thick of it and can’t answer the phone. And at the end of the day I am too exhausted to text back. Your ‘just checking in’ messages mean everything. Please don’t stop.

6. Educate yourself about my child. I don’t need you to be an expert in autism but it sure means a lot when you read a blog post or my book. Because it shows me that he matters to you. That we matter.

5. Ask about my child. And please don’t stop asking. I’ve had people in my life who have stopped, saying autism is too hard to hear about. That broke my heart. Because he matters. His story matters and he is my son. There is no me without him.

4. Celebrate my child’s success. My kid is not on the typical path or reaching milestones when his peers are. But he’s doing some really amazing things. So when I share that he put his shoes on independently for the first time at age 8, help me celebrate! I’m not sad it took so long. I’m thrilled!

3. Believe me. When I tell you that I’m struggling, or that I need help, believe me. Maybe I can’t go somewhere because my son can’t do car rides. Please believe me.

2. Never downplay your child’s or family’s success for me. I love you and your kids and I am a cheerleader for your family. I always will be! But please know there are some times I may have to step back for a bit. Drivers license, college to name a few. I am here. Know that. But I will need some time.

1. Come sit with me. Come be with me. Stop over. Leave a coffee on the porch. Convince me to go for a walk. There is an isolation that can happen with not being able to leave your house. And I need you to help pull me out of it.

Thank you to all the friends who I have in my life. Old. New. Thank you for loving my kids and me too.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and join our supporter page, Coop’s Troops, for an amazing community full of support and understanding.