When the Silence feels too Loud

I don’t get a lot of quiet moments in my life.

I mean, I’m a mom of four so honestly it just doesn’t happen.

My house feels alive most of the time.

Laughter.

Yelling.

iPads blaring.

Train whistles.

No hockey sticks in the house.

Turn that down.

Is that a marker?

It feels like a three ringed circus most of the time. But a great one. One that the neighborhood kids are drawn too.

Yesterday I made a trip to see my dad. He’s 79 and had a stroke a while back.

He moves slower now.

And his memory seems to have a few holes in it.

He’s still my dad.

His smile is the same. And his hair still stands straight up like my third sons.

But he’s quieter.

He sleeps a lot more.

He doesn’t ask nearly as many questions and I’m not sure he understands all that is happening.

So I filled the room with stories of hockey and fifth grade and the time his grandson colored his own face with a yellow highlighter.

He would laugh. And say the name of the child I was talking about. As if to remind himself of who and what.

But then he would need to rest.

He told me he doesn’t understand how he got old. How this happened.

I didn’t know what to say.

I just listened.

I found myself holding my breath a lot.

And worrying.

And feeling sad.

He went to bed at 7 pm last night.

Exhausted from the excitement.

And for the first time since she’s been born, my daughter and I soaked up the silence.

We giggled.

I tickled.

She told me stories.

My heart burst with love.

I think these babies are gifted to us to show us everything that is amazing in this world.

And to keep us sane when the silence feels too loud.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.