The Parenting Bar

I was a less than great mom last night.

I had all four kids alone, from newborn to toddler to an emotional 8 year old to Cooper and it was a lot to handle.

There was a lot of screaming.

There was water play when there wasn’t supposed to be water play.

And then wet clothes on the floor. And sand.

I yelled. I don’t usually yell. But I did.There was talking back.

And throwing. So much throwing.

There was ‘mommy will you play with me.’

And a lot of screen time.

At one point I looked around at my house and considered moving. Just up and moving.

The clutter was suffocating.

Blocks, dinosaurs, Legos, books, blankets.

It was everywhere. Everything is always everywhere.

Like a tornado.

I fed them McDonalds.

And skipped bath time. In my defense they sprayed each other with the hose and that should count for something.

I counted down the minutes until bedtime.

I felt like an open nerve as I picked up and said turn it down for the hundredth time.

I did read a story, but I skipped a few pages in the middle.

My last words were ‘go to sleep Sawyer.’ And then they were asleep.

As I sat on my couch after, exhausted, nursing the littlest one, I felt like a failure.

I’m not saying that to get praise, I’m saying that because it’s how I felt.

I didn’t enjoy every minute. In fact, I didn’t enjoy much of the evening.

I felt exhausted and overwhelmed.

I prayed for a break. And silence.

And I beat myself up pretty good as I thought about how they are growing up before my eyes.

Later, as I checked on their dreaming bodies, I saw something different though.

I saw three boys safely in their beds all warm and cozy.

I saw one in dinosaur jammies, dreaming peacefully in his truck bed.

The other two snuggled up with each other, a dozen blankets forming a nest around them.

I saw my autistic son’s treasures piled up high on the bedside table.

I saw my other son’s baseball trophy on the floor beside him. Goodness he’s proud of that thing.

And I smiled.

They were safe. And fed. They were happy. And content.

Their teeth may not have brushed but they each got kisses and hugs and I love yous.

The parenting bar is sure set high these days. Too high sometimes it feels.

Happy. Healthy. Safe. And loved.

Somedays that is enough.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.