More Than a Caregiver

My dear sweet boy, I love you, and I thank you for being so patient with me right now.

In this new season of hard I want to be the best mom, but right now it feels like I don’t know how to be your mother at all.

I promise, I’m trying.

Thank you for forgiving me, for loving me through, and for granting me grace as we walk through this hard season of our journey.

I’m asking all the questions, looking for all the resources.

We are actively working on being better.

These are our days, waiting for change, searching for answers and help.

Right now I’m just lost buddy, but I’m trying to find our way back.

This new season of life has become challenging for all of us, for the first time I feel like I’m processing what autism forever means. I’ve heard the words, I’ve dove in head first to help you and others like our family but I didn’t sit with it in the dark myself.

Well, I’m here now.

I’m sitting with autism and I’m angry, sad, scared, overwhelmed, but I’m moving past each of those. We are navigating unpredictable times, and I’m struggling with the thoughts that I’m not enough.

Your smile reminds me that I am.

I’m struggling with losing control of what makes you happy, how to help you move on from being sad, how to teach you new things.

For the first time in seven years I’m afraid I don’t have a plan, or the answers. I’m just simply going through the motions and waiting for new instructions.

I’m stuck on caregiver. It seems I’ve forgotten wife, friend, sister, loving mother.

I’m trying to reconnect with those roles. See myself for more than just going through the motions, and more than my child’s needs. Reminding myself that we are more than our struggles, to lead with gratitude, to honor that I am a teacher, writer, advocate….. that I am more than a caregiver.

And that I absolutely was meant to be your mama buddy, together we will climb this hill, and we will bask in the sunshine that’s waiting for us on the other side…

#FCVBlogSquad#morethanacaregiver#motherhood#parenting#autism

Written by, Amanda DeLuca

Amanda lives in Ohio with her husband and has two children, Monroe and Jackson. Her son is on the autism spectrum and is what inspired her to begin her journey through advocacy in the IEP process. In her free time, she enjoys teaching at her dance studio, co-hosting the Momming Autism Podcast, and writing for her page Jackson’s Journey, Jackson’s Voice.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.