Past Denial and Into Acceptance
There I am. Still in denial if you ask me.
Still hopeful that Sophie will blend in to this loud and crowded party with a bunch of busy, loud excited 5-year-olds.
Hopeful she’ll strike up a conversation with one of these kids.
Hopeful she will smile and laugh and run around interacting with these kids.
Hopeful she’ll appreciate the hand sewn dress that was made for her special day.
Hopeful she won’t yell at anyone.
Hopeful she won’t hide in her room.
Hopeful she won’t run out of the house, screaming.
Hopeful she won’t need assistance staying focused opening her presents.
Hopeful no one calls her ‘weirdo’.
Hopeful her disabilities go unnoticed, at least on her birthday.
My ‘ah-ha’ autism moment surrounded this day, however not in the form of a sharp sword, but rather a thousand little pins…
The day I knew that I could hope all I wanted.
Sophie would still be Sophie.
The day I realized I could do everything right but…
Sophie would still be Sophie.
The day I realized all the early intervention therapies did not ‘fix’ things.
Sophie would still be Sophie.
The day I realized I could spend 5 hours on a cake, 2 months making a beautiful dress, pay tons of money on a perfect princess party.
Sophie would still be Sophie.
The day I realized I could be the best parent.
Sophie would still be Sophie.
The day I lost control.
School was no “castle” cake walk either. At this time, we were 5 years from an ASD diagnosis.
Still on the fence about medicating.
Planning on hiring a lawyer to get Sophie her own para.
In the meantime, I would volunteer every day to help…
Keep her from getting bullied. One kid told me ‘she is acting weird again’.
Keep her from yelling and screaming with transitions…she had two outbursts a day on average.
Keep her from running off. Her Principal was involved with this, also her teachers appreciated my help with corralling my own daughter.
Keep her from putting herself down…. “I’m so stupid”.
Keep her focused. Giving her 5 prompts to write her name.
Ten Years Later….
I see you….
I cry now typing this. I see you. I see you my little peanut. I know now that you are an, intelligent, kind, empathetic, creative, loving, and exceptional person.
I see me. I see a mother who has moved past denial and into acceptance...
Acceptance that we have certain mountains to climb, but we’re doing it together. Acceptance that sometimes we carve our own ‘happy’ and I am so grateful we do it together.
I’m here for you my darling princess.
Written by, Trisha French
Trisha spends her days building awareness one day at a time by sharing the story of a fantabulous young lady living with autism + adhd and a variety of other Dx over at Trisha’s Autism Tips on Facebook. You can also follow her on Instagram and You Tube.
Interested in writing for Finding Cooper’s Voice? LEARN MORE
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.
