I am Human

“Can you tell me why you’re crying?” Andy asked softly, his face wrought with concern.

“I’m just upset about Leo’s session this morning,” I began.

This particular remote learning session, intensely challenging for my boy, and in turn, for me, as I attempted to navigate the resulting behaviors.

“I’ve been thinking about it all day,” I explained..“Wondering what I could have done to prevent his upset, or at least minimize it before it escalated…”

Andy listened calmly. Pausing for a moment before responding..

“It’s okay to be upset about this morning, but it’s also okay to then let it go, and move on. You’ve been spending this whole day thinking that you failed.”

“You’re the best mother I know. But you’re not perfect, and that’s okay…you’re human.”

Halted by his last two words, I stood in silence, tear stained cheeks, lingering evidence of the strain from that morning.

I’d allowed a 30 minute blip in our day to muddle so many positive aspects that followed, including two fantastic school sessions later on that afternoon.

But that upset early on, it stayed with me, they all do. 

I’m his mother after all. I should know what to do to make it better…

To fix it. 

Today was Leo’s IEP meeting, which I’d been dreading for days, despite a wonderful school team this year. 

I carry that feeling into every meeting I attend….the immense pressure to make certain I am a strong voice for my boy…to make sure that everything within that IEP is perfect.

The meeting went exceptionally well…yet, even as I type this, I’m mulling over whether or not there is something I missed.

But as my husband so astutely pointed out, I know that I may not be perfect.

But that’s okay.

I am the best mom I can be.

And I am human.

Written by, Ellie Whetzel

Ellie Whetzel is a wife, Mom, and blogger who writes about the ups, the downs, and everything in between of life with her extraordinary son, Leo, who is on the Autism Spectrum. You can follow their journey on FB at Life With Leo.

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