I Wish I Could Have Told You

I think about you sometimes mama.

28 years old. You just had your first baby.

You named him Cooper months before he was born. You painted his nursery blue. You went to birthing classes and read What To Expect When You Are Expecting.

Your husband bought him a baseball glove and bat. And a Minnesota Wild jersey.

You were both so ready for him.

I can see you going to the hospital. So excited. So scared.

I can see you holding him in your arms for the first time. You kissed his head. You rubbed his back while exclaiming that his skin was the softest thing you had ever felt.

You fell in love instantly and all at once. You were a goner. So was your husband.

You knew then. You knew from the second you held him in your arms that something was different about your baby. You will later tell people you saw it in his eyes. But it was more than that. You just knew in your heart. But no one will believe you. Not for many years. And you will feel more alone than you ever thought possible.

I wish I could have told you then that autism was coming. And that it would consume you for many years.

The fight. The worry. The fear. The everything. But also that your son is exactly who he is supposed to be. He is smart. And funny. And beats to his own drum.

He’s not like the rest. So don’t try to force it. But also know that he deserves every single opportunity. He deserves the same. And more.

And lastly…that you are enough. You are enough for him. But you need to get stronger. You need to learn to fight like hell. And be relentless. Not fearless. But brave.

You can do it mama. Know that. You can do it. And you will. Even when you feel like giving up…you won’t.

Because he is worth it. Kids like him are worth it.

Keep going.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.