To the Parents Who Blame Themselves

When I was first born I was everything you had waited for, I was the dream you had both been holding onto for so long.

I came when you needed me the most, after loss I was the rainbow that came after an awful storm and I shone brighter than ever.

From the moment i joined your family I knew that you would love me more than anything else in this whole wide world.

I was such a content baby who always smiled at everything, my favorite thing was just being with you snuggled up in bed between my two favorite people.

I never had any fear even back then, I didn’t need it. I knew you would always catch me when I fell.

At 14 months old things got a little scary for you both, I stopped wanting to look you in the eyes, I know you missed that.

I stopped using the words you had taught me and I became stuck inside my own world.

Things that used to make me smile seemed to disappear overnight and I was left with anxiety and uncontrollable emotions.

I didn’t understand them and I know you didn’t but know that just by giving me a cuddle you made such a difference.

I know that sometimes you get so tired and all you want to do is cry but know that I see you every time, I watch you pick yourself back up and give me everything you have, the strength you have amazes me.

When I got to 18 months we saw doctors and other therapists and you tried everything they asked of you without a second thought, you always put me first no matter what was happening.

For a minute you blamed yourselves.

You thought you hadn’t done enough for me, when deep down you know you had always given me everything I could of ever needed.

This is something that is out of your control.

I was always meant to be this way, perfect and yours.

I became obsessed with my routines and you could only reach me through the alphabet song. I loved that you never stopped trying.

I showed you over the next four years the best parts of me and you embraced every little detail and breathed it all in.

Things got easier and we found our new path, sometimes we got lost along the way but we always managed to get back on track.

I love that you celebrate every little thing I do, you make me laugh when you both jump around and clap for me.

You are my safe place, my home, when everything else in my world is falling apart.

Just by holding me you make it all feel so better.

I was chosen to be your baby for a reason.

When you feel like you’re drowning remember you taught me how to swim.

There is no place I would rather be, nowhere I would rather go, as long as you are holding my hand, we can do anything.

I am going to do amazing things. You are a part of that. Everything I have learned is because of the love you have given me and the strength I have drawn from you.

I will never be defined by a diagnosis, I will become exactly who I am meant to be.

The sky is my limit.

Watch me reach for the stars.

Written by, Lauren Morfett

Lauren Morfett is a wife, blogger and mummy to two amazing boys aged 11 months and 4 years. Learning so much from my beautiful Isaac every single day, there’s no one I would rather be on this journey with.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.