Choosing Gratitude

Yesterday I visited my dad at his nursing home. He had a stroke in April and while his mind and humor are spot on, his arm and leg don’t want to cooperate much anymore. So, he’s officially in the system as he says.

This is my fifth time seeing him since his stroke and I didn’t cry as much this time. Instead we laughed a lot.

We joked about a lot of things and it felt good to replace the sadness with humor. It felt natural for us.

And then promptly after we’d been visiting for 30 minutes, a woman came and wheeled him away.

It was so fast. 30 minutes is a lot like 3 minutes really. I felt angry. Like lashing out even. I wanted and needed more time.

But I had no choice but to get up and follow behind.

The woman was pushing him and I was trying to hug him and it just felt heartbreaking. As I walked away I felt myself sinking into a sad place. I’m having a baby any day now and my dad may never meet her. How am I supposed to to see him with covid restrictions and children and a 3 hour drive and autism.

But then I thought about gratitude and how I have control over what I feel. I can choose how I look at something.

Cheesy at it may sounds, I choose gratitude.

I am grateful.

I got 30 minutes with my dad. He is alive and laughed with me. I was able to hug him and give him pictures of my beautiful kids. He is in a place that is helping him. He wants to get better. And technology has made FaceTiming an option. So he will see his granddaughter.

Practicing gratitude hasn’t always been easy for me. It’s a choice. A lot of times in life it’s easier to be angry or jealous or sad. To wallow. To have a pity party.

But what no one tells you is how heavy those emotions are. How they weigh a person down.

Gratitude weighs nothing.

Autism taught me gratitude. That’s the truth. My son, and his challenges and struggles, taught me firsthand how to be grateful for the blessings in my life.

I know it baffles some people. My ten year old son is unable to talk. And most don’t understand him or our world.

And for a long time I was sad. I was angry.

And then, one day, I had to set it down. I couldn’t carry that weight one more day.

I found gratitude.

I am thankful for so much. I have 3 beautiful, healthy, smart, spirited boys who keep me on my toes daily.

I have a home to live in. Money to pay my bills. Amazing friends and family. A baby girl completing our world soon. An old dog who loves having her ears rubbed.

My dad told me yesterday that of all the complications he could have had from his stroke…he had the best outcome. He is thankful. And if a man sitting in a nursing home can be grateful for what he has, then so can I.

Gratitude.

Give it a try.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.