Band of Brothers

Let me tell you about a band of brothers I know.

They are small in size, but big in heart. I am blessed to call them mine.

As I watch them grow and play each day, I am inspired to share what they teach me – not just about how to treat someone on the Autism Spectrum, but about how to have meaningful relationships in life, in general.

These relationships create a strong support system with a balanced philosophy of “give and take”. 

As a mother, I could not be more proud of my three little men – individually and as a unit.

Charlie, my middle son, is on the Autism Spectrum. Wyatt is the oldest. Jackson, or JJ as we call him, is the youngest.

If you watch these young boys, you will learn quickly how to include, support, and encourage an Autistic individual.

They would also waste no time letting you know of Charlie’s gifts, and how he positively impacts them.

My boys are seven, five and three, yet they understand better than most adults how to love each other fiercely. They understand what it means to be a band of brothers. 

To be a true band of brothers, it takes more than bloodline. It is even possible to join the brotherhood without being a sibling by birth.

They have picked up a few soldiers along the way, such as our neighbor girl, Jilly.

But to be a part of the crew, it takes guts, grit, and an aspiration to the following nine qualities:

Dedication

Patience

Loyalty

Empathy

Encouragement 

Letting go

Stepping up

Love

Acceptance

This list was derived simply by observing my children. Even though this list comes from the creed of three small boys, these values should be a “go-to” for any group, team, workplace, and so on.

My band of brothers live and breathe this list. Their success and joy during the process of becoming the best they can be inspires me to do the same. 

I watch Charlie’s dedication to having a relationship with his brothers and attempting to adapt to their world, even though it is incredibly hard and uncomfortable for him.

Autism does not make Charlie a less vital part of the group.

He is a kid of fewer words. Autism, plus being introverted, plays into his silence, but he is wicked smart and full of patience and love. He is like the Yoda of the crew. He is the glue that holds them together. He is slow to anger and quick to hug. Sure, he gets overwhelmed with sensory things, but personality-wise he is the constant, comfort, and calm in the troop. 

Wyatt, my oldest, shows deep loyalty to both his little brothers. He makes sure they are included. He spends quality time with them.

His empathy transcends beyond verbal communication in all circumstances for his Autistic brother and his brother who is three.

Wyatt has this ability to meet anyone where they are and enjoy them. He encourages others, and he is happy to help out physically or emotionally. He understands all people are worthy of his attention. This is something he was born with, so I can’t take parenting credit.

Wyatt’s heart is quite possibly made of gold.

The master of knowing when to let go and step up is my youngest, JJ.

Though he is little, he is mighty.

This is the one you don’t want to mess with in this band of brothers. His passion is fierce. He is the fuel, the fire, and the fun. He will protect his squad, even if he is the smallest. He has the ability to step up to giant size in ability. I call it Superman Syndrome.

He is unaware of his inability to do anything; he inspires others to believe they too can fly. He also shows both of his brothers (who tend to be a little more conservative) how to let go, how to laugh with no reservations, and how to throw out the rule book when needed. 

The two most important things that all three do so very well, is love and accept each other.

These boys truly enjoy every part of each other’s soul. They value each other. The love they share is infinite and unconditional. They accept each other’s differences. They thrive as a unit because each one has something unique to offer, and they let each other contribute for the greater good of what they can experience together. 

All of my sons have strengths and weaknesses from the list of crew qualities. That is the great thing about different personalities, gifts, and even shortcomings. None of them are perfect, but when one falters, another is right there with a metaphorical helping hand.

At their young ages, they seem to have an uncanny ability to know when their brother’s load is too heavy to bear, and when they need to carry a little more. They know when to trade off on the weight.

It is magical to watch.

Now I am not saying we don’t have days when little brother JJ is excessively whiny and times when he relentlessly annoys his older brothers.

Sometimes, Charlie prefers more alone time than the other two prefer him too have. Occasionally, Wyatt forgets he is only seven, turns bossy or acts like a moody teenager. Charlie has extra bad sensory days where everything seems to make him overly emotional.

Of course, we have those kinds of days! 

We have been through big things like any family. I have watched them lift each other up through speech delays, blood transfusions, my cancer journey, random health issues, not-so-easy sensory days, anxiety, and so many more hard things.

But for kids seven and under, they seem to have this band of brothers idea figured out.

You must stick together and fight for each other’s survival, success, and smiles through life. This makes my Mama heart happy and somewhat at peace. 

We all hope to outlive our children, but that also can be a scary thought: not being around for your kids. However, witnessing the strong bond my boys already have helps me feel at ease. I have seen them help and support each other. I have seen them let others into their caring and protective circle, like our neighbor girl. All of that gives me confidence that they will continue to cultivate support in addition to me.

They will continue to fight for each other long after I am gone. 

Look at these boys. You will begin to truly see how to treat, include, and support any person, Autistic or not.

They see Charlie as a valuable part of the brotherhood. Their band of brothers would falter without him. Charlie is just as worthy to be a part of their crew as any other kid. It is as profoundly simple as that, and they get it. If they see that you are truly making an effort to uphold the values of their brotherhood, they will extend an invitation to you as well.

Those who are a part of this band of brothers that take on life in such a remarkable way are a lucky few!

“We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. For he today that sheds his blood with me, Shall be my brother; be ne’er so vile, This day shall gentle his condition.” Henry V by Shakespeare

Written by, Lindsay Criswell

Lindsay Criswell is a daughter, a big sister, a wife, a friend, and a mother of three young boys. Her middle child is autistic. As a visual artist, instructor, writer, autism advocate, business owner and now a cancer survivor, Lindsay’s mission is to share knowledge, encouragement, and love. Fueled by much faith in God, a hubby she can count on, and ample amounts of coffee Lindsay balances the time challenges of family and running Branch and Stone Studio, a creative haven and blog for all ages and abilities where everyone is celebrated. She is thankful for the opportunity to serve her family, friends, community, and readers while doing what she loves.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.