Unlocking Your Voice

My Dearest Daughter Sloane,

Last night I had a dream about you.

I had a dream that I went to your room to wake you up, and you sat up in your bed, and you said to me in the sweetest voice, “Mom, I have so much to tell you, and I don’t know how this is happening.”

I woke up out of breath, and I don’t remember anything else.

You’ve had a hard few days. Your struggles have been heavy.

I’ve needed to know so many things only you can tell me.

I know I talk to you all the time, but oh how I want to hear what you have to say to me.

And I know communication does not have to be verbal, but I long to hear your sweet voice and that want of mine will never go away.

My hope for that will never go away!

One day…

I hope to hear your thoughts.

I hope to hear your fears.

I hope to hear you’re happy.

I hope and need to hear your pain and what I can do to ease it.

I hope for you to tell me how your day was and not have to read it out of a folder or hear it from someone else’s perspective.

I hope to hear about your dreams.

I hope to have a conversation with you my sweet girl!

I think about your 12 years on this earth and not being able to say a single sentence, and I am so sorry honey.

And I am so sorry that other forms of communication have been so hard as well.

I am so sorry that you have had struggles that so many will never understand.

I don’t know why this was your chosen path, I wish I did, but I do know I will always be here to walk it with you.

And I hope you know how sorry I am that I have not been able to unlock your voice for you. It breaks me as a parent, as your mom, not to be able to return your verbal voice to you.

I promise I will never stop trying! I promise I will never give up hope.

Sloane, my girl, you have been spectacular since the day you were born. And until my hopes become a reality, I will continue fight for you even on the hard days. And I will continue to see you! I will see your happy, see your sad, see your struggles and see your heart.

I love you, my girl. Up to the sky and back down to the ground.

XOXO,

Mom

Written by, Shelley Tinnon

I am 38, married and have two beautiful children.  My daughter, Sloane, is 10 and has severe, nonverbal autism.  She teaches me something new about her and myself almost every day.  Jude is my 3 year old.  I cannot remember life before Jude.  He is the sweetest, brightest little light.  My husband and I have known each other since we were kids.  He knows EVERYTHING there is to know about me and still loves me.  I feel like I should get him a trophy or something! I tell my kids every day that they are “Momma’s Girl” and “Momma’s Boy” and poor daddy! Jaeson completely disagrees with this statement, but the truth hurts! Hahaha! You can follow Shelley’s blog at, JUST FINE and on Facebook at Just Fine Blog.

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