This is Fine

You know that meme…the one with the dog drinking coffee at the kitchen table while the house is on fire and the caption reads…’THIS IS FINE.’

That’s my life right now.

I don’t complain. I truly, truly don’t. But right now, I’ve lost control of the ship. And the ship is sinking. And also on fire.

I’ve been alone with my boys for over a week now. My husband is quarantining after being gone for a few days and it’s been really hard.

Three boys. Three schedules. A full time job. Eight, almost nine months pregnant with swelling and heartburn and exhaustion that makes me want to cry sometimes by 7 pm.

The big and little one are terrible sleepers…it’s like musical beds up in here. And the little one is an early riser. He woke me up this morning with a Nerf Gun. You can’t make this stuff up.

There is whining, homeschool, school conferences, straight up filth in this house, a sick grandpa whom I can’t see, a child with emotional struggles, and a loss of help, and here we are.

I hit my low today. I couldn’t get the garbage bag out of the garbage can. It was stuck. It’s been broken for ages but decided to really throw me for a loop today.

And then I stepped on a metal Bey Blade. And my toddler dumped out a ridiculously huge bin of blocks.

And I thought, this is it. This is where it ends.

I’m trying to forgo the mess and not worry about the teeth not brushed and the new hole in the wall from a hockey accident. Or the deadlines I have. Or the people who need something from me.

Or the fact that it’s my birthday on Sunday and I will be alone.

I’m reminding myself that life is really hard sometimes. And then good. And then bad again. Let’s call it seasons of life. And it’s ok to not be happy or super mom all of the time.

This season of life stinks. I keep praying the next one cuts me some slack.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.