The Beginning of Our Autism Journey
When my first son Parker was born, he was a big baby with a ton of awesome hair. It was all I ever heard. People would say, “Look at all that hair!”
I was one proud Dad! Not because of the hair, but because I always wanted to be a Dad!
I was already starting to think about all the things we would do together. Play t-ball, pee wee football, soccer, basketball, hockey, go-karts, anything he wanted to do.
He could grow up to be whoever he wanted to be, and I would be there to support him along the way.
I read books to Parker as much as I could. I can still remember the words to three of them, because I read them to him so much.
I also sang him songs, but not your typical lullabies. I sang him songs that I enjoyed from the 80’s and 90’s. Songs from Bon Jovi, Guns N Roses, and Foo Fighters. Odd I know, but I knew the words to these songs better than most lullabies.
Reciting these books and singing these songs to him always calmed him, and stopped him from crying. Many times it put him to sleep.
As Parker got older, he wasn’t progressing as he should in certain areas. Mostly the area of speech. He had about five words, and lost all but one. When we brought this to the attention of his pediatrician we were told, “He’s a boy. Boys learn later, and it’s probably just a speech delay.”
The pediatrician recommended speech therapy.
As I Googled speech therapy, I read many stories that children came out talking within six to eight weeks. So, naturally I thought Parker would come out of speech therapy in eight weeks talking up a storm.
Secretly, I knew deep down something else was different, but I trusted the doctor and wanted it to be a speech delay.
After a few months we were having no progress with speech therapy. My wife, being the awesome Mom that she is, started to research speech delays further. She found stories related to apraxia and autism. She also came across a Facebook page, Finding Cooper’s Voice, that shared a boy’s journey with apraxia and nonverbal autism.
There were so many similarities between Cooper and Parker. After watching a few videos and reading their stories we knew that Parker had Autism.
It would take us seven months to get an appointment for an official diagnosis.
Honestly, I was sad and angry. I was sad, because when you read about Autism there are a lot of “nevers”.
I was sad that Parker may never play sports, drive a car, or get married.
I wanted to blame someone, and that someone was mostly me.
Did I not read to Parker enough? Did I read him the wrong books? Did I not sing to him enough? Did I sing him the wrong songs?
Sadly, I blamed my wife as well. Blamed her for not putting Parker into daycare even though we didn’t have the means to afford it. I was told from other parents that Parker being around other kids would help him talk.
Well, none of that is true. I wish I could take back the words I said to my wife. I’m just glad we have moved on.
After following Cooper and seeing the progress he was making, my sadness and anger switched to hope. Hope that Parker would play sports. Hope that Parker would learn to communicate. Hope that Parker would get a job. Hope that Parker may get married one day.
Hope.
Today Parker is kicking butt in therapy, and communicating better with us everyday. In ABA he has learned to point to what he wants, and is learning matching animals, shapes, and colors. It is really helping him to focus. He is teaching me and showing me that he can and will “shatter the nevers”!
Best of all, he shows me that love needs no words, by bringing me closer to kiss his forehead, or grabbing me by the hand to make sure I don’t leave without him. Those two things are part of what life is about to me.
Parker has taught me so much in a short amount of time.
I am so proud to be his Dad!
Written by, Ryan LeFevers
I am a father of two autistic boys. Parker is 5 years old, nonverbal, and has a global developmental delay. Dustin is 2 years old and semi-verbal. I am coming up on 14 years of marriage to my beautiful wife, 20 years together, and we are very proud of our boys. You can follow our journey on Facebook and Instagram.
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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.
