Our Kids are More Than Their Hard Moments

I had the absolute honor of sitting down and chatting with an amazing adult advocate last week to talk about her diagnosis, her challenges growing up, and her successes in adulthood.

Midway through the interview she said something that resonated deeply with me.

‘Children and adults with disabilities are judged by their hardest days. Their hardest moments. That’s what the world talks about and remembers us by.’

How true is that? My son is 10 years old. When he was diagnosed with autism at age 3, and later as his diagnosis evolved into words like severe and nonverbal, we noticed a trend developing.

Cooper was measured by his struggles. Measured by his behaviors. Measured by the things he couldn’t do.

It felt like the world only saw his hard parts. And missed out on his smile and his laugh and the fact that he can type search terms into YouTube and get dressed all by himself and hug his friends. But it seemed like that is how it was done.

Do you know that I never ever heard anything positive or good about my son for the first 2/3 of his life? It makes me so sad to think about now. All the good parts we missed while the world was looking for the bad.

Cooper is made up of so much more than his diagnosis and his challenges. We all are.

Can you imagine if someone only remembered you by your hardest day? Or a not so good job evaluation? Or even a a bad test score?

Last night I had a meltdown of my own. I’m 8 months pregnant and I was exhausted and I couldn’t clean my house one more time. And I felt like breaking down and crying. Imagine if that is all someone remembered me by…

When people think about Cooper, and kids like him, please remember he is so much more than a kid struggling to wait in line at Target. Or a hard 20 minutes. There is so much in a day than just the hard.

And even if there is only 2 minutes of great, a smile, a touch, a giggle, please see that. As a mom, his mom, I need you to see that.

He is a boy with blonde hair and ruddy cheeks who wants to go to Alaska to see the whales. He loves his brothers fiercely. Getting the mail is the best part of his day. If you jump on the trampoline with him you will have a best friend for life.

And he hears everything you say about him. He knows. And as his mom, I need him to know he that is the good. He is more than his struggles.

He is a person, not a hard moment or even a bad day.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.