Our Sibling Journey Looks Different Than Theirs
My oldest daughter had a close friend growing up who’s mom was pregnant at the same time as me.
The girls were around 11 at the time and both were excited to be getting baby sisters. After we each gave birth, about a month apart, we would compare how the babies were growing whenever we saw each other.
I remember my daughter was much smaller than her daughter.
As the months passed, her daughter crawled and then walked and formed words while mine didn’t.
Mine drooled. A lot. Mine gained ground, but much more slowly. She didn’t walk until 18 months and words didn’t come till much later. Even then they were limited and hard to understand.
She was diagnosed with developmental delay around 2, and we started therapies and what now feels like a lifetime quest, for answers and effective treatments.
Every year my daughter’s friend posts something nice for her sister’s birthday and shares pictures.
Each year my heart breaks a little that our journey is so much different.
This year her sister turned 20 and she shared that her sister is her best friend and the best aunt to her children. There was a collage of pictures.
She’s beautiful and grown and so full of life. You can see the love they have for each other in the pictures and it’s not hard to understand the special bond they share.
Her best friend.
I imagine the laughs they’ve shared over the years, the secrets, the big sister/ little, sister advice. And this is only the beginning of that bond that will grow so much stronger over the years.
I know this to be true because of the special bond I share with my own big sister.
Today my heart broke a little bit more than other years. Not sure why.
Maybe because my daughter is turning 20 and technically an adult but will always be 5 on the inside.
Maybe because the bond my girls share will never be that.
Maybe because I mourn what will never be and because I’m afraid for what will be.
Instead of being best friend’s, my daughters’ will be caregivers, re-directors, advocates.
I worry that she will be a burden after I’m gone. I worry that it will be too much for them.
I worry that they can’t love her as much as me. I worry about what she will be like without me because I’m her person.
So the beautiful post makes me a little sad for a little while.
And then I force myself back to today.
Today my daughter is getting ready for her 20th birthday. She wants another princess party, the thirteenth year in a row.
She wants barbies and movies that she’s seen a 100 times. She wants clothes that are pink and don’t scratch. And she will be excited every day as we count down on the calendar to April 28th.
I know her sisters love her and I know they will do their very best to always care for her.
I’m happy my 2 oldest have each other to be best friends and that they share the bond of having a little sister with special needs and all that comes with that.
I think if you asked them they would say she has given them a different perspective on life. That they focus on abilities not disabilities. That they care a little more and understand a little better than most.
This journey has made them stronger, better women. Better Moms.
Today I will choose to celebrate that and to be happy for my daughter’s friend and her beautiful sister.
Written by, Tammy Twenhofel
My daughter Casadee is 17 with a diagnosis of Autism and Mitochondrial Disorder. This journey makes me a better person every single day and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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