You Don’t Have to Walk This Path Alone

Sitting in the dark, of course I did it too.

Too proud or too ashamed to show my tears.

I remember my Gran: “You are one of us, we don’t cry, we straighten our back, chin up and smile head high, no matter what.”

She told me that when I was slightly younger than my daughter.

She was lecturing me because I cried over other kids bullying me.

Tough skin, tough love. She was that kind of a woman.

It also taught me not to show my hurt…my tears are for the privacy of a bathroom, hidden away.

When I grew older and tried to get pregnant, I remember my silent cries after my OB told me the combination of me and my husband would be a lottery ticket.

I was infertile on my own, my husband and his job caused low sperm count.

Talk about a reason to cry, especially after everyone seemed to be pregnant.

10 days before the IVF, we had the liberating news I was pregnant with our daughter. My body had decided to react to the hormones after all.

When my son was diagnosed with Autism, I had to hide again to let the tears flow.

We shielded the kids from our tears, we shielded everyone.

I cried over his diagnosis, not because of the diagnosis as such, but because of the science, the battle that was lying ahead.

That science proved me right, every step is battled for… to the point of almost no return.

The moment I broke is written in my memory, written in the face of my kids because they never had seen me cry so much. They witnessed a mom who couldn’t take care of herself but still attempted to hide the tears.

I was far from the person I am, the person I became.

I was hurting so much and I didn’t see a way out.

But I fought back, I had to, because me hiding away wasn’t the person I was, wasn’t the person my husband married.

However by going to that depth, being burned out taught me a lot as well.

And then the first suicide attempt from my daughter came.

I was hit in the face..I felt every inch of my body wanting to give in and I saw my daughter slipping.

I saw the darkness. I felt it was written in her eyes.

Part of me blamed myself for causing it, though it was caused by the bullying she suffered. The bullying I didn’t see.

I still feel responsible.

However I refused this time to slip and found my courage again.

When her diagnosis came, the tears did too and for the first time someone witnessed my cries, my hurt and I promised her I would be back to the cheery person she knew in 12 hours.

I delivered, but for the first time in 30 years, I was able to show someone the tears I had hidden. I am still grateful for that…I found my tribe the moment I stepped into Finding Cooper’s Voice.

That mom was just the first one and I was able to support and drag others through it maybe because I know it so well.

One expression on another’s face tells me all I need to know, and I am grateful because even though I remember the lesson of my Gran, I learned that we don’t walk this path alone.

And sometimes even a bird is your guide.

Written by, Lien Depoorter

Lien Depoorter lives in Belgium with her family; her husband Stéphane, their daughter Jitse, thirteen who was recently with Autism and ADD and their son, Leander , twelve, who was diagnosed with Autism at age six. Lien helps coach a special needs soccer team and advocates for her family and others. Lien is plain, boring and hates compliments. She finds the humor and joy in the strangest places even while working a full time job as project engineer in construction. She is straight forward and lacks a filter and her life changed by promising her son a Bird for cleaning his room even though she already had half a zoo. Since getting the bird, Kiki has become Leander’s service animal and has literally been life altering. Lien started documenting the positive changes and the Facebook page, A Bird named Kiki was born.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.