Living Behind Closed Doors
There’s a saying we’ve all heard before ‘behind closed doors’.
It alludes to not knowing the entire story since there is something being handled in private. I suppose being the parent of a special needs child is much like that.
We tend to lead two very separate lives. And sometimes we do it so efficiently and effortlessly so many are none the wiser.
It doesn’t happen overnight. We slowly seem to adapt and overcome, but are we?
For years my husband worked at a local prison that was close to a maximum-security facility.
Some of the stories that were shared years later among previous coworkers left me astounded. His response to my reaction was ‘Well, as long as the general public wasn’t aware it meant we were doing our job’.
How true that was. They handled it.
Navigating this journey as a family is similar in so many ways. We are on a path a lot less traveled.
There are no parenting books that will ever address the challenges we face on a daily basis. Many of the hard topics are ones we choose to handle in private.
Sure, we share the gains on social media. We highlight how much of an accomplishment it is for our child to do something so many do effortlessly.
But like many will say, social media is a highlight reel. We gloss over some of our hardest moments.
We just handle it. In private.
Hard conversations, hard moments, hard decisions are part of every parenting journey. No parent’s job is easy.
Some parents will struggle with the decision to allow their child to go to a sleepover with that friend from school, if they’re responsible enough to have a car at sixteen, if moving away for their first few years at college is a good idea.
Weighing the pros and cons with them of choosing their career path relating to job fulfillment vs. financial security.
I feel the weight of decisions regarding, trust funds and ensuring financial security for when we’re no longer here to care for our son.
We worry about what steps are necessary to keep our vulnerable son safe.
We weigh the pros and cons of who would be the best to take care of our son if something were to happen to us. Who would love him, be patient with him, advocate for him, keep him safe, and fight for him as fiercely as we do.
Tucked away in our safe space, we navigate the self-injuring behaviors. We look for their triggers and avoid them at all costs. We endure aggression towards us, the ones who have more love for them then they’ll ever know.
We sometimes suffer silently for fear of judgment and the look of pity. We keep our houses on lockdown to keep our most treasured ones safe.
But when all is said and done we handled it. And nobody is any the wiser.
Awareness and acceptance will only grow and evolve amongst honesty and transparency.
We have to continue as a community to share the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the hard.
We deserve unwavering support as a family unit.
The moms, the dads, the siblings, the caregivers, the support staff, the therapists, the teachers, the advocates.
We are all on the journey together and suffering in silence should be a thing of the past.
Written by, Monique Humphries
I’m a southern mama of two beautiful children, a nightshift weekend RN, and happily married to my sweet husband. I share some of our journey with autism at Jaxton’s Joyful Journey on Facebook.
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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.
