I Choose to Find the Joy at Christmas
As a child, did you ever wake early with anticipation? Were you one of the children who rushed to see exactly what was under the tree?
I was.
Patience was never a strong suit and surprises are something I am still not a fan of.
In fact, Christmas memories are some of my favorite from my childhood.
My mom, her sisters, sometimes her brothers, their spouses and up to 11 kids crammed into one home for up to a week celebrating not only the magic of Christmas but the blessing of life, of family.
We had some crazy times, from almost losing a child in the snow, to my all time favorite memory…waking early to meet my cousin face to face, crawling around long before we were “allowed” to be up.
As we faced off under a pile of gifts, we gulped in as much air as possible to keep from blowing our cover. The belly laughs and joy we held within continues to resonate in my mind nearly 30 years later.
The excitement of Christmas and preparing our hearts and mind for the holiday season could be compared to the preparation for parenthood, for the dreams you create for the children you expect.
Sometimes however, you receive the unexpected.
In those moments, emotions swell.
Perhaps you’re weighed down by disappointment, fear, anxiety, pain, sadness.
Perhaps you wonder how you will feel strength or find a way to be thankful for a life you didn’t anticipate?
In those moments however, if you take a deep breath and step back, you may begin to see it.
You might be able to feel it and to understand the gift is so much more than what you actually wanted. In fact, it was what you actually needed.
Autism is like that.
The last five years have changed almost everything in our lives and while it has taken so much, in the end, I choose to look at what it’s given.
Today, I reflect and see how much I have grown.
This wasn’t supposed to be a journey but my destiny…to challenge and change myself, to walk beside a child who was intended for me.
In dark moments, I have found what matters.
People who care have come out of places I never expected.
True friends have stuck around and I have been blessed to meet people in my life I never would have encountered if it weren’t for autism.
Autism has taught me patience. It has taught me to be present…to acknowledge the small moments of growth.
It has shown me that unwrapping the most precious gift may not look like what I wanted or expected but in the end it’s better than I could have ever imagined.
As this holiday season is upon us, I could choose to be sad, or angry for what could have been or what I wanted. I spent too many years like that.
Instead, I can choose to seek the joy in what is, in the moments that matter. I can cherish what we have because there is a gift when you choose to unwrap it.
Written by, Elizabeth North
Elizabeth (Ellie) is a mom of 5, who loves the opportunity to learn through living. With a number of challenges in her life, she has found that autism has taught her the most and continues to teach her to grow. She works as consultant on Social Media and Customer Service. She enjoys hiking, writing and wants to be a runner but its just never seemed to work out…WAH WAH! Elizabeth recently completed Partners in Policymaking in NJ. In her spare time she loves supporting new families on their autism journey and helping them through their first IEP. You can check out her blog at www.messyblessymomma.com or find her on Facebook at MessyBlessyMomma
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