His First Christmas Concert
I got to be a fly on the wall again today. For my son Rory’s first Christmas concert.
I told him I would be there. I went over the day with him as I do.
But he didn’t seem to have any understanding of what I was telling him.
My girls, however, knew exactly what I was talking about.
“Mum, I want to come to Rory’s Christmas concert! Mum what are his lines? Mum what song is he singing?!”
The urgency in their excitement reminded me of just how different my three kids are…
Lacey’s first Christmas concert was last year. She knew how many sleeps it was till the day. She knew her role. She knew where she was meant to stand.
Lola, has not had a Christmas concert before, but she knows full well that it is the season.
She has asked me about Santa.
She understands the advent calendar.
She goes nuts when I tell her I will tell Santa if she does that again when she is being ridiculous.
But my Rory…he doesn’t seem to know.
Three years ago, when I was still figuring it all out, Christmas sucked.
Rory hated the whole experience…the noise of the presents, the change of routine, and all of the people.
That Christmas day I hid away with him in my mum’s room and I wondered what the heck I did wrong, why he was so upset.
I treated him and raised him exactly the same. He has always been immensely loved and adored, why did he hate being with our family so much, so young?
The year after was better.
And last year, we saw a massive improvement in Rory. He was happy at Christmas, he watched every one open gifts.
He didn’t understand when his name was called that he needed to do something or acknowledge anyone, but he was there, with us, doing Christmas.
His small interest in the day gave me hope.
So this year, today, when the girls where so intrigued into Rory’s concert, I asked them, ‘why is Rory’s concert important to you?’
Lacey said, “cos’ they might hand out lollies.”
That answer was absolutely perfect.
I spend most of my days consumed with Rory and our autism and I spend most of my nights awake worried about my girls and if I’m doing enough, so an answer like that was all I needed to know how very normal our “un- normal” life is.
My kids, be they all different, are all very much kid like.
I sat in the audience today, watching my son, who seems to be so distant from things around him.
And much to my disbelief, he saw me.
He smiled at me.
He raised his hand (which I know was his way of trying to wave).
He looked back at me many, many times.
I repeatedly signed to him..I love you, wow good job, yes I’m here.
And he repeatedly looked at me and in our own form, told me, he saw me, he loves me and he wanted a cuddle.
I kept signing…wait, soon, nearly.
And once the assembly was over and I could get to him, he hugged me tight.
He hugged me in a way that said “I saw you mum, I know your proud, I love you too.”
He hugged me in a way that I don’t need sound to confirm his feeling.
As I watched his concert, the mum next to me introduced herself and asked me who I was there for. I gave her a tiny forty-five seconds intro of my boy in kindy over there, she gave me about thirty-five seconds of the same for her lad.
During the performance she put her arm on my shoulder, she clapped for my boy, I clapped for hers.
She commented “proud mum” to me.
I commented “he is so happy” about hers.
At some point I spoke out.”It’s so nice to see them like, doing school.”
She said “I know exactly what you mean.”
Written by, Lucy Watts
You can follow Lucy on her Facebook page at Lucy Watts – Life & Autism.
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