Each Person With ASD Is A Raw Gemstone

I wrote an essay recently about how my 16-year old son Jack got a job, and then a promotion, at local restaurant.

This might not seem like a big deal, but Jack has autism. He struggles with regulation, executive functioning, severe anxiety, and communication.

In other words, he jumps around a lot, he has little to no working memory, he’s afraid of loud noises, and he can be a little, uh, abrupt.

A few days ago, I got an email from a lovely young woman, describing her own journey to employment despite the challenges of an autism diagnosis.

She is brave, and extraordinary.…

My name is Carly Feins, and I’m the owner and operator of Carly’s Custom Cakes, a home bakery in Bedford, New Hampshire.

I specialize in customized cakes, cupcakes, cookies, and more. I like going the extra mile on my desserts, like making my own vanilla extract, grinding my own spices, and toasting my own nuts.

After graduating magna cum laude from Johnson & Wales University May of 2019, I received my degree in Baking and Pastry Arts/Food Service Management, so you would think I’d find a lot of work opportunities as a cake decorator.

This was not the case.

I’m twenty-four, and I’m on the autism spectrum. I am smart, creative, capable, competent, punctual, reliable and dependable, passionate.

These are traits that any employer would want.

The problem is, I tend to suck in interviews, and that gets the door slammed in my face. Sometimes I feel like my ASD and therefore, my lack of filter, are what keeps me from getting work.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that I could not find anyone to hire me. I was so frustrated and depressed.

I knew why I mucked it up at interviews, what I said to ruin it, but I was always asking myself, “Why won’t they hire me? Is it my autism?

Or something else?”

I did find something after two months, in a supermarket.

The store manager had a nephew on the autism spectrum, too, so he understood my quirks. It wasn’t just me: this grocery store has a very diverse staff, they’re all friendly, and they all embraced me and my habits.

Meanwhile, my parents and I were working on ways help me sell the stuff I was baking out of the house, and certifying the kitchen.

Then the pandemic hit, and after the lockdown and getting more information about COVID-19, my mom told me I should quit. She, my dad, and my 90+ year-old grandmother who lives close by are all high-risk, and I have some risk factors, too.

My home bakery is doing as well as it can right now. I’ve supplied cookies to a local country club, had large orders from family members, friends, and local businesses that know me personally.

But since I was in college, I’ve noticed that I’m not alone in the employment struggles I’ve experienced.

There’s only a 15% employment rate for individuals on the autism spectrum.

The job system, on a national level, doesn’t seem to know how to accommodate the individual challenges that people with ASD have while also letting us showcase what we’re the best at doing.

In my case, I get sensory overload (overstimulation from noises, lights, etc.) and I get overwhelmed easily, I don’t have much of a verbal filter (which is getting better), and I tend to be very stubborn in my routines.

But I’m a passionate, capable, smart woman. I see my  autism as a beautiful part of who I am, and I wouldn’t be who I am without it.

I’m still a human being deserving of a good job, with characteristics that any employer would want.

And you know what? I’m tired of fighting an uphill fight that most people don’t realize exists.

Each one of us with ASD is a raw gemstone, and we all need to be polished, cut, and placed in unique, individual ways that help us shine our brightest.

And while I’m seeing a brighter and sweeter future for us, we still have work to do.

Check out Carly’s beautiful work here: www.carlyscustomcakes.com.

Follow her on Instagram: @carlys_custom_cakes

Written by, Carrie Cariello

Carrie Cariello is the author of What Color Is Monday, How Autism Changed One Family for the Better, and Someone I’m With Has Autism. She lives in Southern New Hampshire with her husband, Joe, and their five children. Carrie is a contributor to the Huffington Post, TODAY Parents, the TODAY Show, Parents.com. She has been interviewed by NBC Nightly News, and also has a TEDx talk.

She speaks regularly about autism, marriage, and motherhood, and writes a weekly blog at www.carriecariello.com. One of her essays, “I Know What Causes Autism,” was featured as one of the Huffington Post’s best of 2015, and her piece, “I Know Why He Has Autism,” was named one of the top blog posts of 2017 by the TODAY Show.

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