I Wanted to Tell Her It Would Be Okay

It was a warm sunny day in the middle of June.

We were, and still are in the midst of a pandemic.

We live in southwest Florida so the June days can become unbearable at times.

I was almost 7 months pregnant with a very crazy 1-year old little girl. My husband and I decided to take her to the pool to cool off and have her burn off some of her energy.

We live in a little community, filled predominantly with retirees. We are one of a few families with children here full time.

When we arrived to the pool, we were one of the only people there.

“Sweet, Kensi can scream and splash and we won’t have to worry,” I thought. So, lather her in sunscreen and into her puddle jumpers she went.

Not long after we arrived, one of the other families who was visiting from up north arrived as well with some of the other community members.

The family from up North has three children of their own. We had met them numerous times before and loved watching their kids run their energy off. The children, two boys and a girl, did not have a care in the world, and seemed unphased by what was going on our country.

I remember thinking “Oh how I wish I could live in a world like the kids.”

We watched as all the friends got ready to join us in the pool. Excited to see how our Kensi would react. She splashed and interacted with all of the kids.

This time was different though.

This time the family had brought a friend.

This friend also had two children, a boy, who was around eight, and a girl. Both children were so incredibly excited to swim. It showed especially with the boy, who we will call Joey, for the sake of protecting his identity.

Joey shrieked from his stroller. As soon as his straps were released he flapped his arms in excitement.

I could tell from the research I had done in the past as well as other indications that  Joey was living a life of non-verbal autism.

He pointed and shrieked to show how excited he was to be at the pool. His mom placed his floaties on and into the pool they came.

We hadn’t met before.

I could tell she was worried.

I could tell she was scared.

She avoided eye contact with almost all. She apologized to anyone Joey’s splashes came into contact with.

Kensi, being the one year old she is, marveled at his energy.

I could tell she was thinking “WOW, he shrieks just like me!”

She watched in awe of the splashes that he made. She wanted to join in the fun. She began to splash and “talk” back to him. Even though he wasn’t communicating in away way towards her.

That didn’t bother her. To her she saw someone who would be fun.

All at once Joey got away from his mom. One big splash later, Kensi, my husband, and I were all caught in a Joey tidal wave.

“Oh my gosh I am so sorry. He has autism and he didn’t mean to. I am so so SOOO sorry,” explained his mom.

It was in that instant I realized Joey’s mom was having a hard day.  

I could read it all over her face. She was scared of what our reactions would be.

She was scared of so many things.

I wanted to tell her right then and there that it would all be ok.

We did our best to convince her that she did not need to apologize. I mean what is the point of getting in a pool if you don’t want to be wet right?!?

Joey’s mom and I got to talking. She told me of her daily struggles.

Joey’s self harm, how his growing body was becoming harder to manage, how finding activities (especially in a pandemic) was hard to do.

We spoke of a new autism friendly plush gym that opened up near the area. We spoke of all the opportunities an all-inclusive gym offered.

But most of all she opened my eyes to the scary reality of what autism was like.

I wanted to tell her it would be ok.

But the truth is, I can’t tell her that it would be ok.

I don’t know what the future would hold for Joey.

The only thing I did know was that he was an expert at making waves…I think my daughter idolized him for that.

As a mom our biggest fears in life are keeping our children safe.

But Joey’s mom lives in a world where keeping Joey safe means so many things. She has to shield Joey from everything.

This makes her world ten times harder.

I hope that Joey’s mom knows that even when she feels alone, there is always someone there to back her. I hope all parents know that.

I have to believe that it is all going to be ok for them.

I want them to know that we will always be here to support him.

Written by, Jessica Tendam

My name is Jessica Tendam. I live in Southwest Florida with my husband and two daughters (we welcomed Maggie a few months ago).  Becoming a mom is my favorite achievement in life. I hope to show my girls what living a gracious life means and I want to be the best example my children have. We strive to live life to the fullest and hopefully include whoever we meet along the way. We live by the words of Cinderella, “Have courage and be kind”. 

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