It Feels Like the Walls are Closing In
Does anyone else feel like they are standing in a room screaming at the top of their lungs but no one is listening. Or cares. Because I do.
Distance learning is really hard. Trying to work with three kids and a husband is really hard. Never being alone is hard. Self care is hard. Motivation is hard. Trying to be happy all the time is hard. Trying to stay busy without leaving the house is hard. Finding Christmas cheer is hard.
When everything shut down in March for us I thought for sure it would get better. I am an eternal optimist. In fact, I welcomed the pause button in a way. We were overextended. That was March. It’s now December. And it honestly hasn’t gotten better. If anything, the shine has worn off.
Every day is the same, yet busier, and monotonous. The highlight of my day is nap time and bedtime. What?! Yup. And a 2 hour nap is way shorter than 2 hours of homeschooling while trying to juggle work. Am I right?
My to-do list is a mile long, and mostly because we are home 24 hours a day so our house is getting destroyed. Also, we have so much stuff I feel like I can’t breathe. The other day I got mad about couches. ‘Why are they so big? I can’t move around in here! I’m claustrophobic!’
I feel like a hamster on a wheel. A hamster who fights about reading, and how slow the internet is, and gets snacks and yells about why the house is always dirty. There is no break.
Yes, I’m complaining. I don’t do it often but I’m just losing it over here. Yes, it could be worse. Yes, I understand the why. But gosh, I miss our old life. I miss being alone. I miss missing my kids cute adorable faces.
Does anyone else feel this way? Like the walls are closing in on them? I get that this is a marathon, not a sprint. But I don’t see the end in sight.
I’ll just end with, I don’t think husbands and wives are supposed to be together 24 hours a day indefinitely. It’s not normal. And because of it, I’ve developed super bionic hearing and now the sound of my husband walking, snoring, chewing, breathing, and expelling gas makes me crazy. I actually said last night, ‘must you breathe like that?!’ In my defense, I couldn’t even hear the television.
(Obligatory I love my little monsters. And the big guy too. Because I’m pretty sure at least one person will shame me for saying this mothering and wife stuff is hard. And by mothering I mean teaching, working, cleaning, cooking, Christmas spiriting, exercising, breaking up fights, everyone needing me 24/7, etc.)
Cheers.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.
