What Are Your Expectations?

I remember my very first autism workshop about 3 years ago like it was yesterday.

Sitting in a room filled with other autism moms and dads, I didn’t know what to expect.

Not knowing, that day would be one of the most important days of my life.

Being surrounded by people who had the same questions, same worries, same fears, it gave me the opportunity to openly discuss autism for the first time, and made me realize that we’re not alone on this autism journey.

The first question directed at us was “What are your expectations?”

Each parent in turn stood up and spoke from their heart, and the more each one spoke, the more the room filled with emotions and tears.

Then, it was my turn to speak.

I stood up from my seat, and as I attempted to speak, I just broke down.

The months of emotions, fears, and guilt (post diagnosis) just came flooding out in that exact moment and it was just too much to bear.

A few moments later I was able to compose myself, and eventually said “I just want to hear my son say, ‘I love you dad’”.

Those early days after we received Fawad’s diagnosis was extremely difficult for me as a dad.

You believe that this perfect world that you envisioned for your son is gone forever.

Suddenly I would see his limitations everywhere I went. I would be at work, and see parents having all these loving conversation with their kids, or I would be at the movies and see other dads with their sons sitting at the movies, or even just at the park, seeing father and sons having a kick about.

Because Fawad was non-verbal at the time, and was unable to tolerate loud sounds, got easily distracted, and was not able to focus too long on certain things or objects, we were unable to do most of those things.

When Fawad started school, that is when everything changed.

I quickly learned that it was not about me, it was never about me!

My perspective changed completely.

There I was thinking about the movies and long phone conversations..but here I was spending so much time with Fawad and developing this amazing bond with my son.

Having the opportunity to take and fetch him from school, the countless joint therapy sessions, which allowed me to understand and learn more about him and his journey, which was invaluable to not just his development, but mine as well.

I would like to think that all the time we have together not only helped me grow as a father, but as a person.

Are there challenges we face with autism?

Of course, there is, but as a family we are better equipped to deal with it together.

If I was asked today that very question “What are your expectations?” My answer would be, ‘absolutely nothing’.

Fawad does not ever need to say he loves me to validate anything.

His entire existence is all about love, from the moment he wakes, until the moment he falls asleep every night with my hand in his. And for me, that will forever be enough.

Written by, Fahiem Abrahams

A little about our family. We are a family of 5, 3 kids, with the middle child, Fawad Abrahams being autistic. He was diagnosed just after his second birthday. 2 months prior we had no idea what autism was. The paediatrician noticed he wasn’t talking much, and not responding to his name, and that’s when we were advised to have him go through the various assessments. Its been a rocky journey since, but as a family we have learnt to adapt. He will be 6 next year and currently attending a school in Cape Town, South Africa where we reside. 

A little fact about his name, it means Heart in Arabic, and we always say it suits him perfectly, because even before birth, and every single day since his birth, that’s all he shows to the world. 

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.