I’ll Follow His Lead

“I think we can say with confidence that Leo meets all of the criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorder…”

I sat on the floor of the room where Leo was being assessed, absorbing the doctor’s words…reaching with confusion for the tissue box she set out before me, only to realize that my cheeks were stained with tears silently streaming down my face.

I knew before those words were uttered…before she handed me that piece of paper with his newly minted medical diagnosis…

I knew.

And yet, despite leaving for our appointment that morning, with a feeling of preparedness for the news to come, the dichotomy of emotions that arose from being given that confirmation was overwhelmingly stark in nature and magnitude.

Three at the time, Leo busily went about lining up the toys laid out in the evaluation room.

One after the other, he set them down with meticulous precision, ensuring the appropriate amount of space rested between each item.

His eyes bright and filled with wonder, seemingly oblivious to the discussion being had, which centered around him.

Following the mastery of his toy lineup, he squealed freely, twirling about with a sense of ease, and joy, quite the juxtaposition to the serious tone surrounding him. 

Autism…

Where do we go from here?

I thought, staring at my sweet boy, while the doctor went to retrieve paperwork. 

Just then, Leo paused mid-lap around the room, making his way to where I still sat, stoically, fretting over the journey ahead.

Wrapping his arms around me with all his might, I exhaled, cradling my boy in my arms, those few brief moments providing a sense of calm and clarity, I so desperately needed.

I knew then, that no matter what came our way, as long as I followed his lead, it would be okay.

Seven years later, that philosophy remains my calm and clarity.

I’ll follow his lead.

Written by, Ellie Whetzel

Ellie Whetzel is a wife, Mom, and blogger who writes about the ups, the downs, and everything in between of life with her extraordinary son, Leo, who is on the Autism Spectrum. You can follow their journey at: https://www.facebook.com/mylifewithleo/

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