This Is Autism
It’s different.
It’s difficult.
It’s beautiful
It’s gut wrenching.
It’s time.
It’s heart.
It’s patience.
It’s anxiety.
It’s depression.
It’s love.
It’s overwhelming.
It’s grace.
It’s tears.
It’s joy.
It’s appreciation.
It’s lonely.
It’s surprising.
It’s constant.
We set out on this journey six years ago (officially)…should have been sooner but doctors drag their feet. Obtaining a diagnosis requires you to spit fire until someone gets sick of you banging their door down. The therapy is prescribed but the centers won’t take you until the child is three because otherwise it is not “profitable.”
I should have known.
I thought the “battles” would subside.
Diagnosis…CHECK.
Therapy…CHECK.
Schooling…CHECK.
Progress…CHECK.
Enter disappointment.
I expect a lot out of people. I was raised to set the bar high and not just clear it but shatter the ceilings. I generally expect people to do what is right in this world not just for themselves but for those they directly affect. I expect too much.
It’s taken years of getting knocked down, no one listening and yielding to the “experts” but I’ve come to realize that complacency is the norm and the term “expert” is relative.
No one cares until something directly affects them or their bottom line.
I thought my prayers were answered when there was a private school that specializes in Autism care within reach…therapy and school all rolled into one?!
And after much kicking, fighting, screaming (and his third birthday)…my son got in.
He is right where he should be, right?
Enter disappointment.
Disappointment in the lack of qualifications.
Disappointment in the ability to show flexibility.
Disappointment in willingness to help.
Disappointment in the isolation.
Disappointment in the lack of recognition.
Disappointment of the strain on family.
Disappointment at the inability to be transparent.
Disappointment at the willingness to take advantage.
Disappointment over misrepresentation.
Disappointment in myself for trusting.
Disappointment that I am not heard.
Disappointment that I am always having to make a choice between two evils.
Disappointment that there is no good option.
I’m not going to lie. I’m tired. It’s the kind of tired most will never ever have to feel. It’s deep in my bones and has my soul held hostage. It’s the kind of tired that doesn’t go away.
Tired of the ignorance.
Tired of the arrogance.
Tired of life being harder than it should. Tired of constraints.
Tired of policies.
Tired of complacency.
Tired of average.
Tired of the enormity of it all.
But I always find a window…we always find the light.
I am an Autism Mom. Never stand between a Mom and her child…particularly a special needs child.
We can do better. We can find a better way. We will do this…because he deserves to stand in the light no matter the shadows.
Written by, Jennifer Block
My name is Jennifer Block and I love sharing my stories and experiences.
My son, Brayden is nine and has Autism. I have an almost four year old as well.. I’m a boy mom through and through. It’s loud, it’s messy and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.
