I Hear You, I See You, You Are Strong

I hear you. I see you. 

During the pandemic my son with Autism has really regressed.

Oppositional Defiance Disorder has come to live in our home and it in itself, can break you down. 

From the second my feet hit the floor I am on high alert every second of the day. I don’t shower without another adult to watch him, I can’t use the restroom unless he is with me and you NEVER turn your back. 

I did that for three seconds last week and it ended in a trip to the ER. I haven’t slept since that day.

Reinstalled the baby gates and blocked off rooms.

Back to square one.

(My son is perfectly fine for anyone reading worried, he/we got lucky) 

When you live in this constant state of panic it tears down your immune system, your mental health, your social skills etc. My child is at 100% every second of the day. He never stops moving at full speed. 

I don’t blame him, I know that he can’t control this part of him. I don’t love him any less. I actually love him more. It’s heartbreaking to see your child scratch, bite and hit himself out of frustration and when you become the focus of their aggression it takes a lot of love to be the calm in the storm. 

Why is it so hard to say it’s hard? Why does it take a near breakdown to reach out to others for help. 

We are afraid to say it’s hard because somehow that makes us incapable of being good parents. If you say it’s hard then people assume you don’t love your child which is exactly the opposite. 

The fact that you are reaching out for help shows you are a GREAT PARENT and you love your child so much you are willing to share your “ugly” to help them. 

We are afraid to share what goes on in our homes for fear of someone thinking our child is poorly behaved or like some posts I’ve seen recently…a monster.

Those cut me deep.

It’s ok to not be ok. 

It’s ok to say it’s hard and it’s ok to ask for help. If they don’t live in the world of “your” autism then they can’t get it. I emphasize “your” because every family living in the autism world has different experiences and challenges. 

So, I’m going to be strong like that Mama and say it’s been hard. I am exhausted. I am tired. I am so over this pandemic. 

The other thing I am is strong. Man, I am one tough Mama. I get up every day knowing what I am facing and I do it. Every day. 

I’m strong as hell and I’m proud of that. 

Please, if you are struggling reach out to someone. Cry, scream and say it’s not fair that your child is regressing, cuss at the pandemic and eat a gallon of ice cream. You are allowed to but please don’t stay there. Try your hardest to find a way to climb out. 

Just remember that you have made it through these hard days and you are still standing. 

I see you. I hear you. You are strong. 

For those wondering how they can help their friend or family struggling with special needs?

Listen- most families just need someone to talk to. We don’t expect you to fix anything, we just need a safe place to share our feelings. 

Learn- Read up on Autism/specific special need. Just because you don’t see it with your eyes doesn’t mean they aren’t experiencing it behind closed doors. 

Love- Give them some grace. Some of these parents never have a break and may seem distant. They want you around but some days their tanks are empty. 

Lead- Deliver a meal unasked, plan a break for them or offer to drop off a coffee on their doorstep so they don’t feel obligated to host or entertain. 

Most of all be kind, I guarantee you that they will appreciate anything you do for them but above all kindness for their child will mean more than anything. 

Written by, Anonymous Author 

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.