Autism Is A Train
Sometimes I think of my son’s autism as a train. Which is fitting because he loves trains.
He stands out and he is unique and loud and messy and amazingly awesome. Like a train.
I mean, not everyone would choose to ride one either but when they do…I’m pretty sure it changes them forever. Because trains are the best.
So, here we are, chugging along. Often slowly. It typically takes us a while to get going too.
Sometimes we stop. But we always start again. The key being…we move forward.
But that movement, it can provide a false sense of security. It can lull a mom into relaxing and letting her guard down. And a derailment.
Two weeks ago…something happened. I don’t know what. Think of it as a shift in the wind. Or that feeling you get when you know it’s going to rain.
Or even when summer turns to fall. It’s subtle. But you know. You just feel it. He stopped sleeping.
He stopped communicating. I felt him slipping away. So much so I wanted to grab onto him and hold him tight. Because I was losing him. It’s happened before. 15 months ago. I remember it well.
Then and now my life turned to worry and stress and trying to figure out the mysteries of autism. I saw behaviors, some unsafe, some scary, some heartbreaking.
We’ve been hiding out over here. Mostly surviving. We aren’t moving forward right now. And I’m reminding myself that’s okay too.
It’s okay to just survive. And hang on to little boys and give extra hugs and kisses and love them through.
If you need us we will be jumping on the trampoline and eating ice cream and trying to get our train back on its rails.
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