Balance and Progress
We just went for a family walk plus two. Cooper knew there was a train magazine waiting for him at the mailbox so even though it was not ideal walking, (90 degrees!) we got a good walk into the park before getting the mail.
Before we stepped off the porch, Cooper grabbed my arm to get my attention, covered his ears with both hands, and pointed to the sky.
Fireworks. He was scared.
I think about his world sometimes. Fire and noise in the sky. Scared to step off the porch. Can you imagine?
I assured him it was fine and off we went. He took the first step down. That’s brave if you ask me.
Yesterday wasn’t a fun day for him. Not like it was for his brother and the rest of the neighborhood gang. While they rode bikes, begged for fireworks and ate red, white and blue jello, he stayed near his room. And he waited for the night to come.
That is anxiety. And it’s beastly.
Thankfully, both sets of grandparents visited and his friend Alex. He loved seeing them. He loved playing in the kiddie pool. He loved watching his trains. And he loved being home.
On his 9th Fourth of July, he looked out the window. He even put his shoes and headphones on and made his way to the porch with me but quickly turned back because apparently our neighbors bought $23,000 worth of fireworks.
That’s progress for him. And that’s perfect. I will never force him. I want him safe and happy. I tucked him into bed shortly after, turned his sound machine up to max, and made my way back to the porch.
I sat and watched alone. As I have every year since he was born. I often find the fourth to be a very lonely holiday. Only this year was different. I was able to go to a bbq with my family earlier in the day. I was able to watch fireworks from my porch and hear my middle son laugh and scream. And as he biked by he screamed, ‘I love you mama!’
Isolation is hard. I’ll never deny that. And it’s incredibly unique to families like mine. We don’t always talk about it. It’s hard too. But our family is figuring out a balance and that is progress.
Yesterday we focused on giving our boys what they needed. Fun for one and safety and comfort for the other. And today this ones magazine came in the mail.
Today, he stepped off the porch. Today, he is happy. And that’s what matters to us.
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