More Than Just A Word

I find myself talking a lot lately about speaking up for those who cannot speak for themselves. For me it’s personal.

I feel things now and see things now in a way I never did before I was a mom, but truthfully mostly before I was Brendan’s mom.

I often wish I could scream at the world…don’t you see it, how can you not? And then I remind myself, I didn’t always see it either. And not because I didn’t care. I didn’t see it because it didn’t affect me.

I like to think that most people are like that. I like to think the world is mostly good, but sometimes we need a little reminder and sometimes it is the smallest simplest things that can make a difference.

Like words.

I know I didn’t always know how much a word could hurt. You see once upon a time I thought a word was just a word, and I threw mine around never thinking about the damage they could do.

I’m so retarded.
That’s so retarded.
Don’t be so retarded.

Just a word right, just a word I always told myself…

I always thought as long as I wasn’t saying it maliciously, then I wasn’t hurting anyone. Until one day the word had a face, and a beautiful mischievous smile, and a heart that doesn’t know hate or prejudice, and the word was a little boy who called me mom.

My boy was born on the summer solstice. He is turning 13 soon. His little boy cuteness is fading fast now and a young man is standing where my baby once was. He has a body that grows with a mind that can’t keep up and his actions and manners once excused as ‘cute’ are becoming ‘strange’ and ‘different’ now.

I hear that word now and I know that there are those who will never see his value, who do speak those words in hate and to belittle and it breaks my heart. They will never see or know all that they are missing when all they see is that word.

Before Brendan, a word was just a word. It couldn’t hurt because it wasn’t meant to be mean but it was mean and it did hurt…I just couldn’t see it until I felt it for myself.

My son is all that is good in the world wrapped up in an innocence that will never fade, that only knows how to love, no malice, no hatred, just joy in the simplest of things and I am so very blessed to be his mom. But he carries a label in medical terms of developmentally disabled, intellectually disability, mentally retarded, a medical term that somehow became an insult, a derogatory word for someone who is ‘less than.’

So you see now, when I hear the word, I hear Brendan. I hear people say my son’s name as an insult, as a joke, as a way to mock people and there is a hurt that does not go away.

Because my son should never be considered less than. My son works twice as hard every day for the things we all take for granted. My son is my hero and he should be yours too.

He deserves to be seen for all that he is not for what he is not.  

Brendan doesn’t know or understand when it’s his birthday. He doesn’t want or ask for anything besides our love and attention. And all the things I want for him can’t be bought in a store…love, acceptance, kindness, understanding. And a better world.

And so I choose to share these words with the world in honour of his birthday.

A wish for him that if maybe I can help someone think twice before they speak, that if my boy is the face you see before you use the word that helps perpetuate the idea that he is less than…

Because even if your intention isn’t to hurt and maybe, just maybe, you will choose a different word…then I will have helped to make this world a little more accepting.

And lastly, if you are lucky enough to know him you would know he is worth it and you would want to do better.

Written by, Erin Ash

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.