Owning Asperger’s

It was six years ago this summer that Asperger’s was first mentioned in regards to me; I was 20 years old.

At first I thought people only knew if I told them; I’ve since found out that people often just figure it out and some have even known longer than I have.

Since finding this out in 2012, I’ve been working through some negative emotions including embarrassment and anger and I think these have been exacerbated by a feeling that I have to keep this diagnosis a secret.

Well, I can’t live like that. Asperger’s is as much a part of me as having blonde hair and being six feet tall, and I can’t hide it much better than I can hide those attributes. If my sharing makes you uncomfortable, that’s on you.

As part of my quest to “own it”, I’m going to share more about Asperger’s as it relates to me.

Like everyone, I have a unique set of strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes. I have an excellent memory and can probably remember some random thing you told me several years ago. I can remember details without having to write them down.

I know what year the speed bumps were put in on a street near where I grew up (2005, in case you were curious). I struggle with executive functioning, which means that I get more overwhelmed than most people about everyday tasks like grocery shopping, picking up prescriptions before I run out, laundry, cleaning my house, paying bills, making appointments, etc.

Sudden touching (being touched when I don’t see it coming) or loud noises can make me jump. On the flip side, I like being held/hugged.

I’m sometimes so blunt that it comes off as rude. I get upset when I find out I hurt someone because I absolutely hate doing that. I appreciate when people ask me to clarify what I meant rather than assuming I was being mean.

I’m gullible and take statements literally. Usually this just ends up being funny to me when I realize my mistake. I’m skeptical of people’s motives because I’ve been hurt in the past. I can’t always tell when I’m being made fun of.

I’m fortunate to be surrounded by many wonderful people these days but I still sometimes jump back to that defensive mentality, which is definitely not fair to the kind people in my life. I feel things. When people close to me are hurting, it hurts me.

I think there is a misconception that people with Asperger’s don’t have emotions. I think I feel emotions at least as strongly as average people, if not more intensely.

I’m not cognitively impaired. I went to regular schools, took honors and AP classes, scored a 28 on the ACT in high school, and have a bachelor’s degree and a master’s degree.

I was tested for gifted in 3rd grade; apparently the student had to qualify in all the areas tested, and I qualified in everything except spacial awareness.

Fairness is important to me, as is telling the truth. I really cannot lie; it would upset me so much.

I don’t need to be treated with kid gloves. If I’m talking too loudly, tell me. If I say or do something that hurts you, tell me. Please don’t assume the worst without giving me the chance to explain myself.

I hope this post is helpful to you. I know it’s helpful to me.

*Sarah originally posted this piece on her personal Facebook to help those in her life understand.

Written by, Sarah

Sarah is a 28-year-old K-8 teacher in the Southwestern United States. She was first told she has Asperger’s at the age of 20 and was diagnosed with Social Pragmatic Communication Disorder at the age of 24 after a formal neuropsychological evaluation; at that time, Asperger’s was no longer a diagnosis in the US. She lives with her dog and enjoys spending time with family and friends, running, hiking, doing CrossFit, and writing.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.