What a Wonderful World
What a Wonderful World, by Louis Armstrong. A beautiful song. I danced to it with my father at my wedding.
Recently, I watched a friend dance with his mother to that exact song at his wedding. Her face beamed with pride. He had the biggest grin the entire time they danced together. I bet in that moment she was remembering that same boyish grin she watched transform from a toothless smile as a baby, to a snaggle toothed little boy, to braces as a teen and now this handsome son who has just gotten married. Her eyes sparkled.
I’m sure she was imaging what the future will hold. She might be wondering if she’ll soon be a grandmother, staring into the eyes of a precious baby that reminds her of her own sweet boy. My heart broke.
My son is still young, but the reality of sharing such a special moment will probably not be in our future. Grief really hits you at the worst times.
My newsfeed on social media recently has been filled with heartbroken parents. They are mourning the loss of their kid’s senior proms, high school graduations, their first field trips in elementary school, last game as a team with their classmates before the season ended.
Some parents are disappointed that their college graduates won’t get to walk across the stage after so many years of hard work. So many parents are struggling to juggle the demands of school for their kids and keep up their own responsibilities at work. It’s such a crazy time right now.
As I watch the number of comments grow, many sharing the same feelings of disappointment, I can’t help but feel envious that their sadness will be short lived.
As this time of uncertainty will come and go, events will more than likely be recreated to give these kids a sense of closure. Give them the experiences they deserved. It’s their senior year, their big class trip, their big birthday celebration; it’s the best years of their lives.
I can’t help but wonder what the future holds for my own sweet family. Will my son every experience a class trip or will it be too dangerous? The risk of him eloping…the danger of sending a nonverbal child off to potentially be taken advantage of…
Would he even be able to comprehend the excitement of such a trip for what it’s worth? Will the school system be able to provide a safe environment for my son as the years come and go or will I be facing the fear of homeschooling indefinitely?
Will we ever experience the excitement of graduation announcements, or helping him ask his date to prom because he’s never been so nervous and excited at the same time.
Will my heart just continue to break as the realization that my beautiful boy might not ever experience the love with a spouse that I have with his father?
I see these parents heartbreak and while I understand it more than they will ever know it kills me that there is no real end in sight for our own. This unpredictable time will pass eventually and most people will get back to their day-to-day busy lives.
Meanwhile, we will continue to work on getting my son to acknowledge us when we say his name. We will try implementing picture schedules and PECs boards to encourage communication. We will make a game out of showing my son a picture of the fridge/couch/bookcases or other things in the house and then finding them to start to increase his awareness and identification.
We will secretly hope one day we will hear his first words but not allow our hearts to break with every year that continues to pass without it.
We will educate ourselves on how to get him the best services to meet his needs, and we will never underestimate the power of yet.
“I see babies crying, I watch them grow. They’ll learn much more than I’ll ever know. And I think to myself what a wonderful world.”
Written by, Monique Humphries
I’m a south Georgia mama to two beautiful babies. My husband and I have been on a wild ride with our little guy, but we’re figuring it out day by day. Our little girl loves her ‘bubba’ so much, and so do we.
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