A Letter To The Mom With A Newly Diagnosed Child
Dear Mama,
I know you’re probably feeling every single emotion flooding through your body right now…
And I wish that I was there to wrap my arms around you and give you the big loving hug you so desperately need.
I may not physically be there with you, but please know that I am here…along with an army of fierce mamas who have been exactly where you are.
I’ve been on this journey for almost 9 years now and there are a few things I’ve learned along the way.
Many of them I’ve had to learn the hard way…
And if there’s even just one thing or one moment that I might be able to make a little easier for you…
Then it’s worth me sharing.
I know hearing the words “your child has autism” can be heart wrenching.
Scary. Confusing.
But I’m here to say that it’s going to be OK.
FEEL the emotions.
All of them.
And don’t let anyone dismiss what you are experiencing or tell you that it’s wrong.
Because It’s not.
There will be moments that feel unbearable. Moments that you feel broken.
But you WILL get through it mama.
I promise.
I believe it’s part of the process of accepting and moving forward.
And these moments of feeling strong emotions will come and go throughout your journey over the years.
It fuels us.
It motivates us.
It inspires us to do more…
To be more.
It’s overwhelming to hear your child has autism and then the question still remains…
Now what?
Resources.
Search. Learn. Educate yourself.
Connect with other families in the community that have been there. It’s up to us to find supports that will help our children become the best version of themselves.
And I’m sure you’ll agree, our kids are amazing aren’t they?
It’s important to choose what you think will be best for your family and your child.
Everyone will have an opinion.
Everyone.
“Try this therapy. ““Do this diet.” “Have you heard of this therapeutic approach?“ “Don’t do that one, it’s harmful to our kids.”
I’d be lying to you if I didn’t say this bothered me years ago.
I truly believe that most (not all) but most people are trying to be helpful and they genuinely care.
But no matter what mama, you choose and make decisions on what therapies to do and what not to do based on what you want for YOUR child.
YOU know your child best.
Always Remember that.
Doctors will try to share statistics … And numbers… what they’ve seen or read over the years…
And I’m begging you, please don’t believe that is what your child’s future will be.
They are not speaking about your child and they have no idea how they will be as they get old or what they are capable of.
Most of the scary numbers and facts they told us about our son have been proven wrong over and over again because we refused to give up.
We didn’t let a diagnosis, a number or a statistic define our son.
And my wish for you is that you find the strength to do the same.
I know it’s in there mama.
I know it might not seem like it right now but you are stronger than you think my friend.
Life is going to look a little different now…
You’ll find your schedule consisting of therapies, doctor appointments and countless phone calls.
You’re going to wonder how you’ll do it all. How to make it all work.
How to cook, provide for your family, work and give your child everything they need…
The truth is, it’s messy.
It’s kind of chaotic.
And most people will not be able to relate to the life that you’re living.
But please believe me when I say, you are NOT alone.
There are thousands of us who are on the autism journey with you and we are still trying to figure it out.
We take it day by day.
And things will change over the years…
My son is a completely different boy than he was just a few years ago.
Our children are ALWAYS learning.
If they can’t do something today, that doesn’t mean it’s forever.
It just means not right now.
Never give up mama.
Believe in your child so much that others look at you like your crazy.
Your child needs YOU.
You are their voice and they’re advocate until they can speak for themselves.
I can honestly say that I am not the same woman I was before our son was diagnosed.
You will learn and grow and change over the years just as your child will. But I promise you, you will be so darn proud of how far they will come and how far YOU have come.
We are all in this together mama.
Find your tribe of friends that “get it”.
Be there for each other through all of it.
The good, the bad and the ugly.
You will need them and they will need you.
And if you’re feeling a little down or can’t find your way…
Please know that this mama right here is just an email or message away.
Stay hopeful mama.
You’ve got this.
Love,
Christina
Written by, Christina Abernethy
Christina is a dedicated wife, mother of 3, and passionate advocate for people impacted by disabilities. She has served on local committees, coached an adaptive cheerleading team, and won awards for successful fundraising endeavors including those for “Team Bubba,” honoring her son with autism. She is the founder of Love, Hope and Autism and is proud to be the coordinator for Changing Spaces Pennsylvania, a movement to build accessible restrooms with powered height adjustable adult sized changing tables across communities to promote inclusion. She is working with legislators to pass a bill in Pennsylvania that would require such facilities in hospitals, airports, museums, rest stops, malls and more. Christina is committed to spreading a message of heightened awareness and acceptance of differences, ultimately inspiring hope. She is also a coauthor of the book titled “You Are Not Alone: Stories, Resources and Hope From Autism Moms”
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