The Hardest Thing You Will Ever Wait For

We all wait for things. Waiting is a normal part of every day life.

Sometimes the waiting is fun and exciting. But sometimes, it’s agonizing.

Maybe you are waiting to hear back from a college that you applied too. Or about a job interview.

Maybe you are waiting for your partner to pop the question while every single one of your friends is getting engaged already.

Maybe you are waiting until the time is right to have kids. Until everything is in order.

Or maybe you are waiting month after month for that positive pregnancy test. Meanwhile, everyone and their sister is having a baby.

Or there is waiting for the first ultrasound. A heartbeat. 12 weeks. Waiting to tell people. And if you’ve had a miscarriage, 1 or 4, you know how agonizing that wait can be.

I’ll never forget the excitement of waiting for my babies to be born. There is nothing better.

Waiting for labor to be done. Waiting for that first cry. Waiting to take your perfect baby home from the hospital.

Then there is waiting for milestones. Waiting for smiles and crawling and walking and words.

I personally will never forget the agonizing wait after making an appointment for my son to be evaluated for autism.

Six excruciatingly long months. Does he or doesn’t he. Waiting for the official diagnosis. Scared it was and scared it wasn’t.

And then there was the phone call from my dad that my stepmom had cancer. Pancreatic. The really bad one.

A quick Google search said she had 12 months.

But there was nothing like the waiting during the last week. Waiting for her to pass. Watching my dad sitting by her bedside. Holding her hand. Counting the seconds in between breaths.

We waited. All of us. We waited for the end.

I know there are people right now waiting for a phone call from their doctor. Waiting for test results. Waiting for something to determine the rest of their life.

We all wait.

No one is safe from it. And sometimes it’s beautiful. Sometimes it’s awful.

For me, there was nothing quite like waiting for my child to speak. Of all the parts of his development, of his autism, waiting for words has been the hardest for me as a mom.

Looking back at the early years, I was obsessed. Desperate really.

Trying everything I could to help him.

Trying to stay calm on the outside when I was dying on the inside. Because the waiting was making me crazy.

Panicking at times. Trying to appear cool. Collected. This is fine.

When you are waiting for the biggest, most important, thing in you life, it consumes you.

And there is nothing that will fill the time. Not binging Netflix or training for a marathon.

You will feel more alone than you ever have in your life.

And while we all know that everyone waits for something, your wait will feel the biggest. The loudest. The hardest.

For so many years I tried to stay busy. Bouncing from thing to thing. Activity to activity. Refusing to really feel.

But that only works for so long.

Because when you are waiting for something, something huge like a positive pregnancy test after trying month after month, or a child to say a first word at age 4 or 5 or 6, know that nothing will fill that void.

It will eventually consume you.

Here is my advice.

When you are waiting for something. Something huge. Whatever it may be.

Lean in.

Feel all the feelings. Acknowledge them. Acknowledge the hurt. And the ‘this isn’t fair.’

Let the pain and worry consume you at times.

Because running from it is just prolonging healing.

But most importantly, find other people that are going through the same thing.

Whether it’s infertility, cancer, death, or a very real diagnosis, find your village. And feel it all together.

I promise, it will make the waiting a little less hard.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.