I Sorry I Did That

We had a few years as a family that were extremely difficult.

It used to make me cry any time I talked about it, so I usually didn’t.

Leland’s toddler years were rough. I don’t mean in the terrible twos kind of way.

It was more like non-stop screaming, kicking, growling, hitting, with no words kind of way.

My husband and I spent countless hours researching and trying different supplements, therapies, and such. We were desperate for anything that would help.

We basically stopped going places or doing things.

We shopped separately so that we didn’t have to take him.

On his best days he was uncooperative and on his worst he was hellacious. Things always had to be his way, on his terms.

It wasn’t that he was being a brat, it was more like he couldn’t tolerate life when it strayed from his routine or expectation.

When we would go somewhere that we felt obligated to go for the holidays or wherever, it was utterly exhausting.

Those days were spent chasing and fighting and trying to contain.

Almost all of them would end with one of us carrying him over the shoulder out to the car.

No one understood. Everyone judged.

I’m finally at a point where I can talk about it now that I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

Over the last six months we have started to see improvements.

They started small with speech changes.

Then he was able to go to school successfully. He is thriving there.

We were terrified that was never going to happen.

He is finally potty trained. Now he can walk beside us, which still surprises me.

Up until a few months ago he always had to be strapped in a stroller cause he’s a runner.

He will stay with family without me there, which is a huge accomplishment!

Now that you have some history I’ll get to why I felt compelled to write this.

I switched phones the other day and my new gallery put all of my videos in one folder.

There were almost 500.

I was sitting on the couch watching some of them when Leland got curious and climbed up beside me.

Some of the videos took me by surprise. I mean, I know how bad things were because I lived it, but I guess I tried to block that out.

Parents have a way of forgetting the hard parts of parenting.

We push them down in a deep, dark place and pretend they never happened. I’m certain it’s an effective coping mechanism.

If we remembered all the painful, sucky moments of parenting would we ever have more than one kid? Probably not.

There was a part in one of the videos when he was screaming and then he hit me. Leland looked appalled.

He gasped and exclaimed, “I hit you?!”

I explained that it was a long time ago. His face sunk and he said, “I’m sorry.” I said it was ok, and I played another video.

That one was taken on an Easter morning. Leland was not having any part of getting up to go see what the Easter Bunny brought.

Jason, Jordan and I were trying to coax him out of bed and teasing him about him being sleepy.

Leland looked up at me with the saddest eyes and said, “I sorry I did that.”

Then he asked repeatedly if he could do the video over again.

In that moment I was struck in a profound way by how different our life is and how far he has come. He doesn’t even recognize the person he used to be.

His dad assured him that he did eventually get up and go get his surprises and play with them. He even showed him the video of it.

Life is a struggle.

It’s always going to be for anyone who has kids. But today….I’m counting my blessings.

Written by, Ashley Foster

Ashely Foster is a wife and mother of two who enjoys taking trips to the beach with her family. She fights through daily struggles to try to give them all their best lives.

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This post originally appeared at: https://oillifehappywife.blogspot.com/?m=1