A Third Baby
Yesterday morning, as my two boys were snuggling, I asked my 6-year-old son a few questions.
‘Sawyer, are you happy we had another baby?’
‘Yes mama.’
‘What do you love about him?’
‘He’s so cute and small. And he’s a boy.’
‘Is there anything else?’
‘Yes.’ (silence)
‘What is it buddy?’
‘I’m not lonely anymore mama.’
I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach.
My old soul in the body of a five year old boy.
How did I not know he was lonely? My husband and I do everything to keep his life full of friends, learning, fun and activities. And I will admit some of that comes from guilt.
But lonely?
I knew it can be challenging to have a sibling with special needs. I’d be blind or lying if I said it wasn’t.
As a mama, I see every part of it. Sawyer trying to play with Cooper only to be ignored. Sawyer asking him questions only to be ignored some more. But I am the mom. I am an adult. I don’t know what it’s like to be 6. And grow up.
If I was to describe it, it’s almost like they forgot about each other after a few years. Living two separate lives.
But still…lonely? Lonely in our loud, busy, happy, chaotic home?
I felt terrible. I didn’t know.
I also saw my husband and I bending over backwards to give Sawyer as normal of life as possible.
Which we do very, very well. Often at the expense of our sanity.
Sawyer and I sat there for a few minutes longer. We played with the baby. I thanked him for telling me his feelings. His very real, valid feelings.
Feelings that I very much encourage him to talk about…openly and honestly.
We talked about his brother Cooper and how special he is to our family. How he shows love differently.
I acknowledged how hard this all can be.
He nodded. And squeezed his baby tight.
While developing a relationship between Cooper and Sawyer is one of my top goals in life, I am so thankful he has this baby.
He breathed life into our family. He is the perfect addition for both of my boys.
Some would say the glue.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.
