To the Mama who Wonders Why

I’m giving you this baby.

He won’t be like the other ones.

Maybe you’ll know from day one. Maybe it will take time. But eventually, you come to realize that something is different.

It’s going to be hard at first.

Not the love part. That part will be easy.

But the fight to figure out what and why.

That part will leave you depleted in a way that feels almost impossible to explain.

You will be pushed to your limits.

You are going to question everything you’ve ever done and will do.

You are going to worry about everything too.

Every decision. Every option. Every choice.

You’ll wonder if you are doing the right things. Making the right choices.

And many times they’ll be wrong.

This life will feel like a test you didn’t study for.

The worry will never end either.

Not at night, or when you are vacation, or as your child ages, or even during the good times.

Because you know this world wasn’t made for them.

After the initial shock, you’ll be motivated. You will search tirelessly for answers. And help.

You may find them. You may not.

But then it will get hard. Really hard.

You’ll feel like everyone and everything is working against you.

You’ll wonder why you can’t make this better for your child. Or for your family.

And it will confuse you because all you are trying to do is help your child grow and thrive. That shouldn’t be a hard thing.

At your lowest points, you’ll want it all to go away. You’ll pray for a break from hard. For a second to breathe.

You will lose hope more times than you can count. Your will lose yourself too. You’ll wonder if it will ever get easier.

Then, one day, it will click. I promise. You’ll be able to breathe. Stand still.

The pieces will start to fall into place.

You’ll settle in for the long haul. Because by now you’ve accepted forever. That’s the hardest part to get too.

Once you get there mama. Once you can talk about your child at 20, 40 and 60, you’ll be okay.

You’ll change too…for the better.

So much so that you won’t remember the you before this. But in your heart you know this you is better.

You’ll get stronger. Invincible really.

You’ll start hoping for different things. Realistic things.

You’ll figure out what works and what doesn’t.

You’ll have no time for nonsense. None. You will demand the best for your child and you’ll get it.

And if something isn’t working, you’ll do one more thing.

You’ll never stop.

You will see the unbelievable cruelty in this world and instead of running, you’ll vow to change it.

You’ll help others like you. Like your child.

Instead of running, hiding, you’ll step into the ring. You will stand strong in the face of evil, wearing an invincible armor, protecting your child.

Deflecting all of the cruelty out there.

You’ll learn to be happy with a sound, a smile, even a hug.

You’ll become what you were most afraid of and realize how beautiful this life can be.

But still, some days, you’ll find yourself doing something, and wonder why.

Maybe you’re at a school or a park. Or you’ll see your friend’s kids growing up and you’ll wonder why.

Why was I chosen? Why my child?

I don’t have the answers. Not the ones to the complicated questions.

You’ll have those questions forever mama. But I do know that you are different.

You are special. Because you don’t see broken. Or less than.

Where others see something less than perfect you see possibility. And opportunity.

You will look at your child and see all the goodness and beauty that this world is missing.

And the love. Oh my God the love that you will experience.

You were given this perfect child because you’ll never give up mama. Not ever.

And someday, you’ll stop trying to figure out why and how. And just focus on the now. The exhausting, upside down, beautiful now.

You’ll look around and realize how truly lucky and blessed you are.

Because you were given this child.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.