A Crystal Ball

Most parents would enjoy looking through a crystal ball to see what their child’s future looks like. 

What will your child’s life look like in 10 years? 15? Their wedding? The day your first grandchild is born? 

And finally how your children are doing when you are no longer around.

You don’t want to wish the days away, but getting a peak would be so fun!

Maybe 10 years from now they will be turning 18. 

Will they be heading off to college? trade school? getting a full time job? Or taking the now popular “gap year” to travel and explore the world?

Maybe 15 years from now when typical parents look into that crystal ball, their children are finishing their training and getting out into the real world. 

Are they using that degree you paid a fortune for? Or still living in your basement?

Their wedding day. 

You can see an older version of yourself with tears in your eyes as your child marries the person of their dreams. 

And even if you don’t like the person your child have chosen, you can take solace in the fact that they are happy.

Then you see yourself pacing back and forth in a hospital hallway, and looking down at the tiny bundle that looks just like your child.  

Next you are old.  Very old.

Content that your job as a parent is done and you have raised independent individuals that can successfully navigate the world.

I know this is a sugar coated version.  I know that life is not perfect, and that life is full of ups and downs and that sometimes, for everyone, life is hard. 

But overall, many people see and experience these kinds of things in their children’s life.

Now if you are a special needs parent, especially a parent of a child with severe needs, looking in that crystal ball, what you hope to see, pray with every fiber of your being to see, is vastly different.

Even the beginning is different. 

Parents of those with communication deficits might not even start out going into the future. 

They might want to go to that day when their child came home from school or therapy, and was just a little off, or when they had a strange bruise and couldn’t tell you what happened. 

These parents desperately NEED to know if it was an accident, a bad day, or if God forbid someone hurt them.

When they do take that first jump into the future, 10 years or so, they are not looking for college choices or career paths. 

They’re looking to see if their child has mastered bathing, dressing themselves, and brushing their own teeth.

Do they know any words yet?

Have they learned to say what most parents take for granted.  Can they finally say “I love you”?

Jump forward 15 years from now.  Can they navigate this world that seems so foreign to them? 

Looking into that crystal ball, are they still strong and healthy enough to care for them the way they deserve to be cared for. 

Do their siblings as adults see the amazing characteristics that their parents see in their special needs child?

Parents of children with severe special needs don’t bother looking for things like weddings or babies. 

They have come to accept long ago that their child will likely never experience these life milestones. And honestly, even if they do, these are not the most important things to look for. 

They are looking to see that they, or their partners are able to find a fountain of youth that allows them to take care of their kids way longer than anyone thought possible.

And when they look into that crystal ball and see that despite their best efforts, they have grown old, and are nearing the end of their days on this earth, what they, what us, special needs parents look for, while holding our breath is whether or not our children are healthy, happy, loved and not mistreated by anyone in any way for the rest of their days.

Written by, Kathleen Rolloff

My name is Kathleen.  I have an 18 year old daughter with severe special needs due to meningitis as a 6 week old.  I also have a 13 year old with ADHD. Things are never dull around here and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.