November 14, 2019

I am a Different Person Since my Son’s Diagnosis

kash2

I am sorry I do not return your texts or phone calls.

I am sorry I have to cancel last minute or do not make plans as I’ve promised.

I’m sorry I am not the same person.

Since my son’s diagnosis and his other medical issues, I am not the same person. I have noticed I have lost my spunk.

My life is so chaotic. I feel my life is consisted of being on the phone with insurance or doctors.

I am traveling to different therapies, five days a week.

I barely have time to breathe; it seems at times.

I’ve lost myself during this time. I forget who I am.

It’s hard to see my once close friendships are no longer existent and some family has not checked in on us.

I get it. My life is not like theirs. They do not understand it.

They do not understand I can’t always make birthday parties, holidays, etc. At times those events can be too overwhelming for my son.

I am sorry I have to pass. I am sorry for my past friendships.

I am sorry I can’t visit that much: call or text. I understand I am not enjoyable to be around anymore.

My mind is focused on other issues at the moment.

I am sorry I want to stay in most nights. I am on the road five days out of the week. I am beat. I’m worn out.

I do not want to have to explain to people why I am not in the best mood or why I am so tired.

I’m tired of always explaining myself.

I am tired to explain that special needs parents deal with so much anxiety. We are always on high alert.

We can’t take our focus away from our kids. They need all our focus 24/7.

Isolation is real.

Written by, Emily Ransom

Hi, my name is Emily. I have a four-year-old son named Kash, who has autism and epilepsy. He is nonverbal. He is medically complexed. I share our journey at Mama to Kash’s Voice through the ups and downs. 

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Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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