Do You Stay?
Picture this.
You are in a relationship. It’s new and exciting. There’s so much potential!
Oh, all the things that you will do together. You will grow together, learn from each other and your love will grow.
They love you so much. You can tell. They get comfort from your hugs and you love doing things for them. They light up when you enter the room. It’s all so lovely!
Picture this.
They stop talking to you. Car rides are silent. It’s like a one way street. You try and try to have conversations, but they just don’t care.
Then they start hitting you. It’s not hard but the anger is there. And then the pinching and throwing starts. The screaming is the worst. It comes out of nowhere. And you don’t know why they are screaming.
Then they say sorry. And you know that it’s real. But then why does it happen again and again and again?
And you think, maybe if I were just nicer. Easier to live with. Maybe if I just leave them alone.
But it doesn’t stop. It doesn’t matter what you do.
What would you do? Would you stay in this relationship? Would you get fed up and want to leave? Certainly your family and friends would tell you to get out of this physical and emotional abuse. And quick.
Now picture this.
This relationship is with your son. Or your daughter. Now you can’t leave. You have to stay. But it’s too hard. And you want to leave except you have this immense love for this child. Who, at many times, does not seem to love you back.
Elliott was our first child and there were markers that we missed. He had a little speech and that was gone by age 2. He was so loving. He needed 30 minutes of hugs and cuddles before he could fully wake up. He loved being rocked to sleep.
But then the screaming started. And 2 years later, it’s still happening.
He’s ageing (he’s 7) but his behaviour and response is still that of a 2-3 year old.
We’ve tried everything. We have therapists and therapies and take copious amounts of data. There doesn’t seem to be a pattern.
So, we focus on fixing him from the inside out. His inflamed tummy, nutritional deficiencies. We also label everything – give him the speech.
He can speak a little now, but he chooses not to. Instead he chooses to whine, scream, throw, pull. And then the next day, he’ll be calm and decide to use his words.
All we can do is just keep trying and maybe one day it will all click and fall into place. Maybe not. But, I’m not going to give up.
I’m never going to leave him. And we have to figure this out. For all of our sakes.
Written by, Nikki Eagers
I’m an American originally from Louisiana living in Ireland for the past 11 years. My husband is Irish and we have had two lovely children 6 and 7 years ago, Evelyn & Elliott. Elliott was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder at age 3 years and 2 months. Ever since then, we have been on quite a wild ride. My page where I document our adventures is Entering Elliott’s World.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.
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