What if you have a Child with Special Needs?

We were married in the Lutheran faith and had to give up our precious weekend to attend a weekend of pre-marital counseling sessions.

It was long and seemed completely unnecessary because we were madly in love.

The class was centered on ‘deep’ questions that prompted discussion between couples.

How would you handle a partner with an addiction? Or a partner that lies? A partner who gambles?

We obviously didn’t have those problems since we were best friends so we breezed through. Oh the arrogance of twenty-something kids.

Jamie and I spent the time giggling, making inside jokes, and planning our night out after.

The final question, at the end of weekend was, “how would the two of you handle having a child with special needs?” I can still remember the Pastor asking that question. I can even see him. He said it so casually. So matter-of-factly.

It is burned in my brain now. The foreshadowing is not lost on me.

I remember thinking what a silly question. That wouldn’t happen to us. That sorta stuff happened to other people’s kids.

We were healthy and invincible. I think we scribbled down on the paper….we’d love that baby just like any other baby.

We were both good people. Huge hearts. And that was that. We were in a hurry.

The class was done and we were off to live our fairy tale life.

We were married. A home was purchased. Careers were started. And babies were born. Our life had begun.

It’s been nearly 12 years since that day. 3 babies. 2 dogs. 6 houses. 4 career changes. Money struggles. Autism.

We’ve been through so much together. And we made it through. People ask what the secret is to making a marriage work with the added stress of special needs. It’s pretty simple really. Not some complicated answer.

Be kind to one another. It’s as simple as that.

When our life was at it’s most challenging. No sleep for weeks, then months, then years.

Then the isolation set in. Losing friends. Losing our identity. Our world went from huge to tiny to our living room and waiting rooms.

Accepting severe autism. Accepting forever.

We turned on each other. Low blows. Jabs. We were exhausted.

We were sad. We were even angry. We learned that life isn’t fair. And that it was easier to hate each other than to be mad about our son.

Don’t do that. Be kind.

Love each other with everything you have. Trust me on that one.

Happy Anniversary to my partner. Here’s to another lifetime friend.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.