Has Autism Changed our decision to have more Children?
July 8th. That date will sit in my head forever.
It was the day my son Carter was diagnosed with autism.
As his mom knew for about a year before that Carter might have a delay or be “different”.
He wasn’t speaking or doing simple things that other kids his age were doing. But before I really noticed anything with Carter his dad and I decided we wanted him to have a sibling.
I grew up close with my sisters and I wanted that for my children. Being pregnant with a toddler was tough.
As Carter got older and I got more pregnant the signs of autism became more apparent. I didn’t want to admit out loud that anything was wrong.
We were a happy little family of three soon to be four and life just felt good. But I was terrified and I put my emotions aside because another baby was about to be here.
When our daughter Kennedy was born, Carter was just a happy 1 1/2 year old and didn’t really care much about having a sister. He was just happy I was at home with him more.
The transition from one kid to two was definitely tough.
A few months went by and we went to Carter’s two year appointment with the pediatrician. It was then that our doctor made a comment about Carter’s eye contact.
She didn’t say it but I felt the word autism floating in the room.
She suggested we take Carter to be evaluated and we did.
I believe our appointment was the following week and he did show cause for further therapies and we immediately wanted to do anything that could help our little boy.
I remember after putting the kids in the car I was crying in my boyfriend’s arms thinking it was my fault.
Did I mess up?
Was I not there enough for him?
Was having another baby taking away from giving him all the help he needs?
Those emotions sat with me for a while.
Emotions like those are the kinds that should be shared, not held in, because they will eat you up and can really put you in a dark place.
During this time our little girl was growing like a weed and man was it going fast. She seemed to be so ahead of the game and all she wanted to do was anything and everything that involved her big brother.
Then she started saying words.
You’re supposed to be over the moon excited when your kids say their first words but it was hard for me because Carter still wasn’t talking.
It’s hard having a child with special needs and the anxiety of wondering if your next child will also have them. She seemed so far ahead but at that age you just never know.
Autism has honestly scared me to have more children.
I always wanted three kids but right now I’m not sure I’ll be enough.
Am I going to be able to help and be there for Carter and take care of his sister and another child?
We are still on the fence and our focus right now is making sure our kids have everything they need to succeed and have the best life.
Autism is something we deal with as a family. My son might be on the spectrum but we won’t let that define him.
It might take us a while to figure it out but we’ll do everything we can to make sure our journey is an amazing one.
Written by, Emma Traver
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