Am I the Big Brother Mama?

I asked you to watch your brother for a second while I made lunches.

Which you gladly agreed too. The first thing you ask for when you come downstairs in the morning or in from outside is your baby brother.

I heard you talking to him, like you always do. So sweet. You were telling him all about BeyBlades. And how cool there are.

You were hugging him on the couch. Holding him so he wouldn’t fall.

Every few seconds you would squish the whoopie cushion. Harbor would laugh hysterically. You loved every second of it.

It makes me smile. You two are going to be the best of friends.

Honestly, I didn’t know a little boy could love a baby as much as you love him.

You actually cry when he cries. Which thankfully, is rare.

Once I was done making lunches I sat down in my chair to drink my cold cup of coffee.

Your brother Cooper was at my feet, sitting cross legged, moving to the songs of Thomas the Train.

He was humming. And laughing. And humming some more.

He was oblivious to the world around him.

I was watching him, and thinking, like I usually do. 

I noticed you and the baby were both staring him too.

And then you said, ‘Am I the big brother mama?’

I laughed and said, ‘no buddy. You are six. Cooper is 8. He’s the big brother.’

I watched you look at Cooper. And then at Harbor.

And then you quietly said, ‘But mom, why does it feel like I am the big brother?’

I felt the lump in my throat immediately.

I honestly didn’t know what to say right away.

So I asked you why you felt that way…even though I already knew the answer.

‘Because I help you with Harbor. And I go to school. And I talk. I play t-ball and hockey. I have friends. Cooper doesn’t do any of that stuff mama.’

I nodded and said, ‘Do you feel like you have to take care of Cooper?’

I watched your eyes fill up with tears.

I watched you nod. And subconsciously hug the baby even tighter.

‘I just wish he’d play with me. Do you think it will happen some day mama? All my friend’s brothers play with them.’

I told you I didn’t know the answer to your question. I didn’t know if he’d ever play with you. But I told you we were working on it every single day. And mommy is not giving up.

I didn’t want to lie. But I also wanted to say the right thing.

There is no parenting manual on this stuff.

It was quiet for a while. Except for Harbor’s squeals and Cooper’s hums.

And then you said…

‘When I’m older mom, older then Cooper, and the big brother, I’ll take care of everyone.’

I smiled.

I have no doubt that you are telling the truth kid.

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