Just Another Day to Autism
Mother’s Day…
Oddly, each year it only gets harder.
I knew my first Mother’s Day that something wasn’t quite right. I knew it deep in my gut—or should I say soul?
I had dreamed of being a Mother and I had a vision of how it would be with my child. Now I see those visions—my visions—through others on Social Media.
As a special needs parent, we miss out on so much. It seems to be the most typical things most take for granted that hurt the most.
To be fair, I would have most likely taken them for granted too not knowing any different if my life had gone the way of my dreams.
Mom and tot tea, shopping, Mother’s Day concerts, simple day to day life and the snuggles that I want to give her but can’t as she physically cringes at being touched.
Autism has taken these moments from me as a Mother.
Autism decides how each day will go and dictates every aspect of our lives. Autism knows no bounds, and never leaves us to enjoy our holidays.
Mother’s Day is by far the hardest holiday for me.
I grieve them all but this one really stings.
I have never heard the words Happy Mother’s Day from Kya. At first, it was because my daughter was non-verbal.
Now that she’s speaking, its because she doesn’t have the cognitive ability to understand the importance in the phrase.
I sink deep into the Autism pit and I shut down. I try and stay off Social Media “that day” because I can barely stomach it even calling it by name aloud pains me. To scroll through my feed and see everyone so freely enjoy the day is tough.
I have wonderful friends and they are all amazing Mothers, still it is like pouring salt into an open wound. What I wouldn’t give to have that day with my daughter.
Mother’s Day isn’t about a gift or being pampered, it is about spending the day with your children. I get that but what most people don’t understand is it is just another day to Autism.
Autism usually comes out in full swing on holidays. Somehow it always knows. Instead of a joyful day I am usually trying to calm an extremely anxious little girl from her debilitating anxiety.
As her Mother, I feel I have failed her on the day that I am supposed to feel pride in what I give my child. It’s too much.
Even so, every year as Mother’s Day comes to an end, I have an enormous amount of gratitude for where my daughter is at in her development.
I truly feel like the luckiest person in the world to be her Mother.
Although she may not say the words, I know she and I are a two-woman team in this fight.
It is not all sunshine and roses, but it is our life and I will forever be grateful I am her Mother.
On we go.
Written by, Jennifer Dunn
My name is Jennifer Dunn, I am the mother of a beautiful 7 year old girl with ASD. Kya and I live in Vancouver, Canada. I work full-time and also manager her team of therapists. Our weekends are mostly filled with therapy, but I am happy to be on this journey with my Bug. I share our journey at https://www.facebook.com/keepingupwithkya/
Interested in writing for Finding Cooper’s Voice? LEARN MORE
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.
