Somewhere Along the Way it got Easier

Somewhere along the way it got easier.

I can’t tell you exactly when it happened either. I sometimes try to figure out when we let the breath out that we’d been holding for so long. But I can’t pinpoint it.

I remember it being hard. New baby hard. No sleep and nursing hard. And then toddler hard.

And then really hard. Nonverbal autism hard.

I remember trying to live our lives the way we always had. And failing.

Everything was hard. And I mean everything. We couldn’t win. No matter what we did.

I remember fighting with my husband. I remember a lot of tears. Saying goodbye to friends. And even some family.

I remember the sleepless nights. The worrying that never ended.

Constantly researching and trying new things. More, more and more. None of it working.

And the yelling. The screaming. New behaviors. New triggers. The exhaustion. Ear infections. Severe constipation.

No communication. Never leaving the house.

I remember hitting my bottom. Yes, my bottom.

I remember the moment I realized I couldn’t fix this. Or possibly even change it.

And then I remember picking myself up and starting over.

I remember changing every single thing about our lives.

We figured out what really mattered. The essential things. And we worked on those. And only those.

We set goals. And priorities.

We modified our lives.

We built a life around Cooper.

We moved. And moved again.

We found the right therapies. If they didn’t work we didn’t do them.

We found our voice. We learned to say no. And do what was best for our family.

We learned to advocate. And to fight…for everything.

We said goodbye to school. We started medications.

We accepted. That’s a big one.

And then, I can’t really pinpoint exactly when, it changed.

Not over night. Not all at once. But slowly.

He started sleeping. And eating.

He relaxed. He calmed down.

He started laughing more. And noticing his surroundings.

He learned to stop. Not always. But most of the time.

He started to sit. He acknowledged waiting.

He started noticing his brothers. And trust me, they needed it as much as we did.

He asked us to go for a walks. And to Target.

He joined us in the living room. He gasped at trains and tractors. He showed us his world.

He learned to communicate. Type and read. And process.

He started being silly. And teasing. And flirting.

Speech has even become a possibility.

The first 7 years were so hard. I am not afraid to say that. Because if you follow this page you know it has nothing to do with love and devotion.

Instead it has everything to do with anxiety. And intensity. And pressure.

Constant pressure. Always building. Waiting for it to blow. Controlling our lives. No matter what we did. We couldn’t get control.

But somewhere along the way, and I can’t pinpoint exactly when, it got easier.

I want to give you hope. If it is hard right now, and you don’t know how you are going to do this forever, don’t give up hope.

Just keep trying different tactics. Adjust. Change course. Set realistic expectations. Find what works. Hit your bottom. Cry. Pick yourself back up. Fight. But don’t give up hope. Not ever.

And don’t stop until it gets easier.

Who knows…after 8 years you could find yourself sitting in a restaurant eating pancakes with the most amazing kid.

I credit our son’s AMAZING wins lately to a few different things. Age, (he’s growing up), ABA Therapy and anti-anxiety medication. Because the world is a cruel place, I don’t feel comfortable sharing our medication or therapy journey with the masses. If you would like to learn more, please join our subscriber page.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.