To the Dads who are Superheros without Capes
It is time we appreciate the underappreciated and uncelebrated dads who make up half of special needs parenting.
It is part of our culture to glorify motherhood whereas the struggles of a father are seldom talked about.
Special needs fatherhood can be especially lonely. They often don’t have a support system and men in our society are often discouraged to show the vulnerable side of their personality.
These are the men who work twice as hard, who make difficult decisions for the sake of their families.
Who are mocked and ridiculed for putting their kids first.
Who miss work to be present for their kid’s doctor’s appointments and school IEP meetings.
Who chauffer the kids from therapy to therapy; and who shoulder big, fat bills because autism doesn’t come in cheap.
Who after a long hard day at work, make the few hours at home with the kids so much fun.
Who get the kids’ wiggles out before bed with tickles and wrestling matches.
Who read to them and brush their teeth so mummy can have one less thing on her plate.
Who wipe tears and snot and hold them tight during shots and haircuts.
Who find a safe place for them during meltdowns, and plan autism friendly trips for them to take.
Who have reconfigured their entire lives to suit their kid’s needs.
Who have been taught by the toxic masculinity of our society to never have a moment of weakness and who even in their most vulnerable moments, continue to show support to their families even when they need it just as much.
To those that have made peace with God’s plan and revel in it.
And to those who struggle. Who struggle to accept their kid’s diagnosis.
Who are just not taking it.
Who need more support than they can give, your feelings are valid and real. Every person will react to it from a place of their own experiences and understanding and no two people will react to it in the same way.
To these men who are breaking the stereotype of the Pakistani father; that respectable yet aloof figure whose presence means straightening up, picking up toys and being meek and agreeable, these men come home to a wife wound up tight, post-apocalyptic messes and pick up the debris.
They don’t help or babysit. They do what is theirs.
They are their partner’s allies and equals in adversity and celebrate every little progress which is never little in an autism household.
To all those men I say you are super heroes without capes.
You redefine strength and masculinity. You redefine what it means to be a good man and a good father.
You are doing the best you can and your families are very, very proud.
Written by, Afeen Zainab
You can follow Afeen’s journey on her blog at Our Ausome Desi Life and on Facebook.
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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.
