April 12, 2019

Topics We Don’t Talk About

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I’ve been trying to find the words for a few days now. But coming up empty.

I’ve been processing. Trying to understand, justify, explain and fix. But I haven’t been able to do any of those things yet.

Instead I’ve felt sad. And ashamed. Worried. Confused.

There are no child development books on this.

We’ve entered a new stage of development. Hitting.

It’s happened twice now. Fast. Quick. Out of the blue. His hands. My face. And I’ve quickly learned it’s a taboo subject.

Parents don’t talk about it. We don’t share our stories.

We are too scared that people will judge. Label our kids as monsters. Or even worse.

It’s my job to protect him. Even if it’s hurting me in the process.

So, I’m tiptoeing between staying silent, which feels wrong, and sharing.

Other parents have to be going through the same struggles. Same emotions. It can’t just be me.

I’ve felt lost for a few days now. And then this morning I saw my boy’s photo arrangement.

It helped me. I needed it. He is all heart this kid.

We just need to work through the hard stuff.

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Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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3 Comments

  1. Ann on April 12, 2019 at 5:44 pm

    Not just you mama! Kiddos with special needs are growing and developing, and don’t always react to this in ways that are seen as appropriate. Cooper knows exactly how he feels but likely isn’t sure how to communicate it. I work with the most awesome special needs students, and see them go through stages where they will hit, kick, spit, and pull on adults. I’m not always sure *why* but I almost always see the behaviors disappear. Sometimes it just takes time; other times I’ve found visuals and social stories helpful. Cooper loves you and you are the BEST mama – never doubt that!



  2. LILY on April 12, 2019 at 11:46 pm

    HAHAHA! You’re stuck with a retarded kid!



  3. Pianorox on April 13, 2019 at 7:49 am

    It always amazes my that there are people like “LILY” who have nothing better to do that post hateful things – I guess when your life is miserable it somehow (in a warped way) makes it a little better to attack others. Kate, just pity these people, they are jealous of the love you have in your life.