So Life Gave you Lemons…
“When life gives you lemons…make lemonade.” I have heard that saying a lot.
It is a sweet saying. People use this saying to make good out of a bad situation or make the best of what they have been given.
And it is easier said than done.
I am going to give you an example.
A couple of summers ago we got to join my entire family for a vacation to St. George, Utah. We were all sharing a home together. 30 of us.
It was the best kind of chaos you can ask for. Lots of talking, laughing, love, and family.
One afternoon it was much more quiet than normal. Everyone but my small family were at the swimming pool.
James and Jayden were out in the back of the house playing on a splash pad. But Jamison and I were just having some quiet time in our room.
Jamison can’t swim. Or play in the splash pad. He has severe swallowing issues that cause aspiration.
So, no water for us.
At the time Jamison was still drinking small amounts from a bottle because he didn’t have his feeding tube placed yet. I was sitting on the floor feeding him when the worst happened.
He aspirated some of his food and began choking. I went through several methods of trying to get him to cough or begin breathing. But as the time went on, he went unresponsive and began turning blue.
I was yelling and yelling for James. I could hear James and Jayden right outside the window, but they were having fun and couldn’t hear me.
I tried yelling for anyone else. But for this moment no one was there to help me.
I began CPR.
Sadly, it wasn’t my first time giving him CPR. But it was (and still is) my greatest nightmare.
No mother should ever have to perform CPR on her child.
No mother should ever have to even watch her child receive CPR. And NO child should ever have to be given CPR.
After what felt like a life time I was able to get Jamison to cough and begin breathing again. His color returned and he happily went back to watching a show.
He was alright…But I wasn’t.
He could have died. He would have died if I hadn’t of been able to help. He was close to dying even with me helping him.
This moment of my life still haunts me. I can close my eyes and see my son laying there unresponsive and blue.
I know that I should just be grateful he lived and let it go. I should make lemonade, right?
The “lemonade” of this situation:
- Jamison lived.
- It was a very short few minutes in the period of a lifetime.
- I was trained to do what I needed to.
- Jamison can’t remember that moment and wasn’t affected by it really at all.
I am sure I really could come up with a good list. And I am sure if really, really tried maybe I could feel grateful for the few things I did list.
But I can’t. No matter how much time passes all I do is look back and see the image of my son and the complete horror I felt.
What do you do when you can’t make lemonade from the lemons you have been given?
Some things we face really are hard for that.
So, you have lemons, what now?
As I pondered this question, I decided to ask Jayden what he thought.
I asked, “Jayden, what do you do when life gives you lemons?”
Jayden responded with the biggest smile on his face, “You make strawberry shakes!!!”
I responded back, “Well, what if you don’t have strawberries?”
As innocently as possible Jayden responded, “Then why don’t we just go and get some.”
At first, I just laughed off his answer, but as I continued to think about it, I felt like Jayden had taught me a good lesson.
A couple of days later I learned Jayden is a genius!
We were getting ready for dinner and ironically, we had lemonade and strawberries in the fridge and Jayden really wanted to make some frozen strawberry lemonades.
We tried. But it really didn’t work. The drink tasted disgusting.
All we could think to do was to keep adding things to try and make it taste better.
Long story short. We made strawberry shakes with lemons! That was definitely not our plan.
Everything we planned didn’t work out. And guess what. This strawberry shake was probably the BEST one we have ever made.
And this is when I knew Jayden was a genius.
The lemons in our life will be there. But they don’t need to be the only ingredient we have.
Do you feel like there are no strawberries in your fridge though?
Then, like Jayden taught us, just go and get some!
This past week Jamison has been having a really hard time.
Lots of tears, self-injury, anxiety, stimming, pain, and bruises he has given us.
It is hard for me to find good in that. BUT I can look and see that Jamison also learned how to drive a toy car the right way. Purposeful play people.
We have been working on it in therapy for a long time. Do you want to know what else? My sister came into town, YAY! And James had something good happen at work, YAY!
One day Jayden didn’t fight going to school, UNBELIEVABLE! It doesn’t matter if they are the same or have anything to do with each other. We can still mix it all together for something great.
Why shouldn’t we find happiness amidst the autism?
I know there are many, many hard things that go along with autism and different special needs. But I also know that there is good as well.
We are beginning a month of Autism Awareness.
There was a recent political event that made me realize just how important this month can be. I am sure many of you know some money was going to be taken away from the Special Olympics.
One senator had to point out to the leaders of this cause that this change would affect people. 272,000 of them.
Yes, I was bothered about the money.
But what I was really bothered about was that some people didn’t realize that:
- People with special needs are still people.
- People who have special needs can also have an impact for good in our society.
I have realized how common it is for people to just not know this.
So, this month we have a wonderful opportunity. A chance to show all these people the full picture of autism and many other special needs.
We need to show the “lemons”.
We need to show how our children are anxious, hurting inside, and sometimes physically hurting themselves. We need to show them this so that they can realize that with intervention and therapy the symptoms of these behaviors can lessen for our children.
We need them to hear stories like mine giving my son CPR so that they know caregivers need access to help as well.
We need to show them what is wrong so that something can be done to try and fix some of it.
BUT…We need to show them some of the good too. We need to make our children people in other’s eyes as well as ours.
Moral of the story. Ask Jayden if you have a question. He is a smart boy. Also; don’t forget about the strawberries in your life too.
We can’t change it. We can’t take the autism away. But we can add to it. Improve it. Make it work better for us.
We can find our own recipe for happiness. And I believe it can be an even better recipe than we could have planned on.
Written by, Ami Selfridge
I am a mother to two beautiful little boys who both have diagnoses of Autism (ASD) along with several other medical and behavioral conditions. Although my boys have special needs they are defined by their special not their needs. We believe in celebrating all people no matter what challenges they face in life. Join us for a celebration at aspecialkindofchaos.com or a Special Kind of Chaos’s Facebook page.
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