Besties Growing Up Together

I’m sitting here on my lonely bench, watching the friends I grew up with laugh, enjoy each other’s company and continue to build the amazing relationships that I SO desperately want to be apart of.

I’m watching what should have been my life right before me and it stings hard. Like only the raw, heartbroken teenage-outcast burn can sting.

Except…..

I’m not a teenager. These are not my friends and this is not my life…but damn it feels so hard on my heart.

Honestly, this is the best way I can describe the loneliness I’m feeling for my son as I stare blankly at the Facebook post my dear neighbor posted of the three boys my son was supposed to grow up with.

They are all sitting in chairs next to each other, smiling, laughing and blissfully growing up together.

The caption reads “Besties growing up together…nothing better!”

I couldn’t help but notice that there were 4 chairs all lined up together and one chair was left empty.

I’m sure it was just coincidence. Probably the parent’s chair or something, but I couldn’t help but feel the symbolism of the empty chair.

My son should be sitting in it.

He was supposed to be there laughing and growing up with these boys.

Instead, he is joyfully ignorant to his childhood “besties” growing up without him and my heart has chosen to feel the grief and sadness of being left out.

My dear neighbor friends.

We were all so close. We all had kids at the same time and would talk about how fun it was going to be to watch our kiddos grow up together.

We would have baby play dates and dream of the future together over coffee and laughs.

We would call the babies “besties” and feel so lucky to have our kiddos live in a neighborhood where they would grow up together and always have each other.

It was a reality until the differences started to show.

The requests to get together with the kids and have play dates started to get lost…only for us.

Summer after summer I watched my sons “besties” grow up together through social media and MAN it hurts.

It feels like the dreams we all shared were ripped out from under my feet and now all I have to do is look out my window to see the reminder of what could have been waving in front of my eyes.

I KNOW my thoughts are silly. I know my son couldn’t sit in the chair next to them. I don’t even think he would even want too.

I try hard not to let this get to me so much…after all, my son is happy. He is content without friends.

This is clearly my own issue that I need to deal with.

Does anyone else ever feel this way?

Does your heart ever break at the reminders of what could have been?

I’m truly not trying to have a pity party. It just helps the healing process knowing I’m not the only one.

Written by, An Anonymous Mother

Finding Cooper’s Voice accepts guest posts from writers who choose to stay anonymous. I do this because so many of these topics are hard to talk about. The writers are worried about being shamed. They are worried about being judged. As a writer and mother I totally get it. But I also understand the importance of telling our stories. And this will ALWAYS be a safe place to do it.

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