To the Person at Peace with Autism

I have seen your comments on my favorite blogs.

I have thought about your stance. I could feel your frustration with mine.

I can imagine and see your side of this. But I would be lying if I said I fully understood it.

And I don’t think you fully understand mine. But I hope you can try to understand my thoughts as much as I am trying to understand yours.

From the moment I gave birth to my beautiful girl, I have never felt so in tune with another human as I did her.

She was my buddy from the start. Her laughter could cure something serious, I am sure of it.

She makes everyone around her a better person. And I do not believe that if I took her autism away that these and all of her other awesome qualities would disappear.

I don’t think autism gave her all those extraordinary qualities.

And so this is where we differ.

Which brings me to this fact I have gathered, you seem to hate the word “cure”. Where as I long for it!

Every time she punches herself in the head, I long for it.

Every time she refuses to eat, I long for it.

Every time she doubles over in pain, I long for it.

Every time she bites her arms and legs and she breaks the skin, I long for it.

Every time I can’t make her feel better, I long for it.

Every time I have the dream of her coming to my bed side and asking me to make her some pancakes and tell me she loves me, I long for it.

Every time I see her longing to want to verbally tell me something, I long for it.

When I change my 10 year old’s diaper, I long for it.

When nothing ever comes easy for her, I long for it.

When I think about her never falling in love, having a best friend, getting to experience any right of passage, I long for it.

And at most, I worry about when I am gone and who will care for her and love her as much as I do, I long for it.

I long for it because I think that without autism, these struggles would have never existed for my girl.

You see, she can’t get on the computer and argue her point. She and I can’t discuss how she feels about it.

Her struggles are so far beyond that. And by saying that I want her to have the cure, the hypothetical “magic pill”, I am not saying that SHE is not awesome.

And I am not saying that you or your child are not awesome. Because I truly believe you are.

And I am not saying that yours or your child’s autism has not brought you joy.

But I am saying that is not our autism.

And I would NEVER want you or your child to change anything about you that you would not want to. And I will advocate for that all day!

But by God, I will also advocate for my daughter to have a chance to have a cure.

I will call attention to the needed research and funding. And I will have zero shame about it too.

And I hope you can see where I am coming from.

This is a huge spectrum we all live under. There are no apples to apples.

So I hope you know I am not against you in any way. I am just number one here for her!

Written by, Shelley Tinnon 

I am 38, married and have two beautiful children. My daughter, Sloane, is 10 and has severe, nonverbal autism. She teaches me something new about her and myself almost every day. Jude is my 3 year old. I cannot remember life before Jude. He is the sweetest, brightest little light. My husband and I have known each other since we were kids. He knows EVERYTHING there is to know about me and still loves me. I feel like I should get him a trophy or something! I tell my kids every day that they are “Momma’s Girl” and “Momma’s Boy” and poor daddy! Jaeson completely disagrees with this statement, but the truth hurts! Hahaha! Follow Shelley at her blog, Just Fine.

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