I didn’t see it then, but I do now…

I’ve been feeling a lot lately like I need to get my words out, get my feelings out.

It tends to happen when my husband is away at work, which is something that doesn’t happen often these days.

We have gotten very used to him being here similar to how “normal” families operate. But when he is not here, I find that my weeks are filled with kids, work, and minimal adult conversations.

And let’s face it, sometimes he does not want to listen to me babble!

There is something that I have become conscious of lately. And I’m feeling more aware of it I think because of the interactions I’ve had recently.

Three years ago, I would not have noticed the child who clearly had sensory and communication issues.

I would not have made it a specific point to look him in the eyes and thank him for holding the door.

I would not have used his name that I heard his mother say so that even though he was not looking at me, he would know I was speaking to him.

I would not have made it a point to assure his mother that he was only opening the door to hold it for me, and he was not trying to escape.

I would not have noticed the mom who was putting shoes on one of her other children, clearly feeling ready to leave, and maybe a little frustrated while trying to watch her older kiddo who needed eyes on him.

I would not have waited to make sure that he stayed and did not follow me out the door. None of this would have been on my radar.

I look at people differently, I look at kids differently.

I’m more sensitive than I once was to kids who maybe need that extra bit of patience. But I’m also not perfect.

I’m not a naturally patient or sympathetic person, so when I use it all up, I have nothing left. But I’m also entirely different than I was 3 years ago.

I have somehow trained myself to react differently, to function differently than I would have.

When I see the child that is about to lose it because he doesn’t want to do what he is being asked, I naturally want to figure out how to calm him.

What words does his mom use at home that help this type of situation? Is it a first/then type of situation?

Does he need some kind of incentive to complete this task? Does he trust me enough yet to let me help?

What can I do to fix this for him?

Three years ago, I would admittedly have said, that kid needs more discipline.

At some point over the last three years, I have completely changed how I react and how I see things.

I am patient. I am mostly kind (we all have our days).

I always want to help and I want to understand. And most importantly, I am very confident in my abilities to handle my own child and others who have traits like his.

So, I understand.

I understand that we are only aware of what we have in our daily lives.

If your child has a nut allergy, of course, you are going to be very aware of the food that surrounds you.

I understand that if Autism has no part in your life, you probably do not understand much about a huge part of mine. And I really don’t expect you to, because 3 years ago I didn’t.

It’s okay that most people are not aware of autism and behaviors associated with it.

It’s okay that when my child throws himself on the floor at Chic-Fil-A you see it as a tantrum.

It’s okay that you don’t see that he is showing me he is done, this is too much, and he needs to leave.

He started with zero communication and I started with absolutely no understanding.

He is my kid, so it is my hurdle to jump – I get that. Before I was a mom, I would have judged you based off of knowledge I thought I had.

I didn’t see it then, but I do now.

Today, I will not judge you. I will understand. I will help. I will not judge.

Written by, Jessica Cook 

I am a former marine, Marine wife, current full-time nerd working in the Cyber Security field. I am a mom of two boys and 6 fur babies. My youngest, Ryder, is 3.5 and autistic and my 6-year-old Bodi is typical in every way. He adores his brother – they were put on this earth to be brothers and I was definitely meant to be his momma. You can follow our journey on Facebook at Ryding the Spectrum.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.